


Sometimes You Learn Things about Yourself That Make You Uncomfortable But That's A-Okay

by InfiniteInMystery



Series: The Winds Are Fair But This Ship Only Has One Paddle [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bathroom Sex, Car Sex, Choking, Crossdressing, Domestic Fluff, Dress Clothes, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gintoki has a drinking problem guys, Hair Pulling, Humor, Light Sadism, M/M, Manhandling, Multiple Orgasms, OT3, Praise Kink, Scars, Smut, Swearing, Teasing, acohol abuse, actual responsible use of lube, and way too long, fancy ball dresses, like hints, no beta we all die with errors, probably not finished btw, sex in inappropriate places, this turned kinda cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:19:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteInMystery/pseuds/InfiniteInMystery
Summary: Hijikata was lost in thought (lost in thoughts of Gintoki) as he made it halfway down the long hallway. A finger touched his bottom lip because he needed a cigarette. He almost stopped to pull one out, when he heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like a couple doing things they shouldn't be doing in one of the guest bedrooms.ORHijikata ends up walking in on something that changes his life for the better.





	1. Just Because You're In The House of Royalty Doesn't Mean There Aren't Plebs Everywhere Ruining The Image

“Make sure you behave yourself.” Gintoki said, for the sixth time, his voice taking on a nervous waver that Shinpachi didn't fail to notice. “You need to use 'please' and 'thank-you' and 'yes ma'am' and 'yes sir'. This is the Shogun's house. If you get arrested for being an impolite pleb, it sucks to be you.”

Kagura yawned, waving a hand at Gintoki, silently saying 'I know, I know'. Kagura had been personally invited to the Shogun's Ballroom party by the Princess herself, the invitation extending to all of the Yorozuya. Decked out in a puffy pale pink dress with a seashell tiara, Kagura strutted ahead like she owned the world, her red hair curled into waves so she could claim to be the mermaid princess, Ariel. She was lazy though, the hem of her skirt dragging across the ground as they neared the front door. Lazy and vulgar; Gintoki was so worried they were going to get arrested that night simply because Kagura didn't understand 'proper etiquette'.

Shinpachi was wearing a charming black suit, his hair slicked back and too shiny. He had been excited up until now. Now, he had his arms crossed and a line in his forehead. Now, his tone was scolding and he was playing the role of mother hen. Again. Gintoki would have gladly stayed home, but the kids had been _so_ excited.

He had nervously laughed the whole way there.

“Gintoki, you need to behave yourself too! Don't just stick all of that responsibility on Kagura, she's not the only concern here. It's just a ball dance. We'll be fine unless _you_ get into trouble!” Shinpachi said, not failing to sugar-coat Gintoki's most reoccurring flaw. _Trouble magnet._

“It's the _Shogun_ and his _rich acquaintances_ _'_ ball dance.” Gintoki said with a nervous chuckle, trying to fix his red tie, the only splash of colour in his outfit. He too had slicked back his hair, but it was already starting to come undone, curly springs popping up here and there. “You can bet your Glasses' human that I will be on my best behavior. It's Kagura we need to worry about. Don't eat too much food, we can feed you more later. Don't be impolite and don't run around without looking. Don't knock into anyone, I can't afford to replace their shoes if you scuff them. And if you get arrested for treason, I don't know you. You're just an illegal Amanto immigrant who happened to be squatting in my house.”

“I'm underage so I can claim you kidnapped me, you old pervert!” Kagura yelled, much too loudly.

“I am a human, not glasses wearing a human!” Shinpachi tried to argue. “Gin-san, you need to calm down! You're going to cause trouble just by being nervous. You're going to knock into a waiter and spill all of the drinks just because you're so fidgety! And then everyone's going to notice you and get mad! And speaking of drinks, don't drink too much! Try not to even start!”

“Eh, but Gin-chan needs a free drink or six.” Gintoki said, giggling from the sheer discomfort. “For the nerves.”

They were let in by the front door security after showing off their invitation. Shinsengumi lined the entrance both inside and out, meaning Sougo was hiding out somewhere in the castle, just waiting to antagonize Kagura into throwing a fit. That also meant Hijikata was skulking around, meaning something disastrous was bound to happen. It was like Gintoki's fate had been sealed. Kagura couldn't be within screaming distance of Sougo, and Gintoki couldn't be in the same building as Hijikata without getting into trouble. That was just unheard of.

Gintoki entered the building knowing something was going to go wrong, but he did nothing to stop it. Just laughed nervously to himself like a mad man and accepted his fate. Perhaps he had lived too long after all.

Briefly, Gintoki left the kids once they were inside, snagging a fancy looking flute of champagne off a tray, following the flow of the crowd until they entered the massive ballroom. He had the feeling tonight was going to end with him lying in bed with hands covering his face, wondering where along the line he had screwed up. His premonitions had never quite been this ominous.

There were people packed in the room all dressed in designer suits and dresses, loudly socializing and elegantly dancing. Dubstep was playing loud enough to echo off the walls, an odd choice given the fact that it was the Shogun, but Gintoki accepted the weirdness readily. A butler gave Gintoki and Shinpachi a pamphlet as they entered the ballroom, listing off the nights events. Kagura found the Princess in only a few seconds, skipping off with her into the crowd and disappearing from sight.

Suddenly, it was just Shinpachi and Gintoki, standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. They couldn't dance with each other, that would just be weird.

“See, you don't have to worry about her.” Shinpachi said. He was staring after Kagura fondly. “The Princess will take good care of her, and even if Kagura acts out, it will be okay because they're friends. Don't worry Gin-san. Tonight's going to be one of the best nights of your life. Just relax and enjoy yourself!”

Gintoki shot back the flute in one go, champagne bitter on his tongue and doing nothing for that foreboding flutter in his stomach. “I hope so.”

Shinpachi started to say something, but Gintoki was immediately distracted by a woman moving elegantly in a pale green dress, the skirts thick around a slim waist line. The dress was shimmering with a low cut back, flashy enough to catch Gintoki's attention, but not the flashiest in the room. Gintoki's heart suddenly constricted painfully in his chest as he realized who he was looking at, a blush rising to his ears. It was the long black hair pulled back into a high ponytail and the sharp cut of their perfect jaw when they turned ever so slightly, that gave it away. The way the person moved through the crowd, unnoticed by most and instilling jealousy in the few who did, hips swaying in a practiced fashion to look more feminine. It was that stupid waistline accentuated by the puff of the dress, giving them the illusion of curves.

 _Oh no._ Gintoki needed another flute of champagne.

 

-

 

It was later in the night when Hijikata finally left his post for a bathroom break. The Shogun's speech was in process, meaning that the chances of mayhem or civilians acting out was low. Hijikata could afford a moment of privacy, a moment to relax his rigid shoulders. He trusted his men to keep order and pay attention to their surroundings while he was gone – hell, Sougo was probably already out in the courtyard having a nap.

When he was done, he took the long way back, walking down through one of the residential floors after his too-quick trip to the bathroom. The night was already dragging on, so he took a detour just to lengthen his walk, to stretch his legs. It was his duty to stay until every guest left, including the rowdy drunks, ensuring the safety of the Shogun. He still had a long night ahead of him.

He had seen China girl skipping around with the Princess. Had also caught sight of Glasses earlier, all by himself in the crowd and frantically searching the crowd for his companions. Gintoki was nowhere to be seen, a problem all on its own. Who knew what that bastard was up to. All Hijikata knew was that he couldn't be in the same building as Gintoki without getting dragged into trouble. Remaining innocent on the sidelines was just unheard of because that bastard had a knack for dragging Hijikata into his funny business.

Hijikata was lost in thought (lost in thoughts of Gintoki) as he made it halfway down the long hallway. A finger touched his bottom lip because he needed a cigarette. He almost stopped to pull one out, when he heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like a couple doing things they shouldn't be doing in one of the guest bedrooms.

“Shh!” Came a hiss, a slap, and then a muffled moan in pain.

Hijikata clicked his tongue as he paused, eyes narrowing at the sliding door. He didn't even hesitate, had already prepared himself for what he was about to see. It wasn't like this was the first time he had walked in on people having sex in indecent places. Probably wouldn't be the last time either. He was the Vice Chief because he could easily deal with things like this.

With his shoes silent on the carpet, he moved over to the door where the soft noises were coming from. Clicking his tongue, Hijikata slid the door open violently, exposing the couple inside. He was about to yell 'you're under arrest for indecent exposure' but choked before he could.

When he recovered a second later, Hijikata was instantly horrified and furious. His ears burned red at the tips and his teeth clicked as he clenched them. “G-Gintoki?”

“Hi-Hijikata?” Gintoki froze like a deer caught in headlights, caught in the act. A grin twitched on his face, from sadistic to downright stricken. His suit jacket was on the floor by the doorway, carelessly discarded. His shirt was undone and hanging open as he hovered. His hair was messy and disastrous from sweat, slick gel clinging to the curls but doing nothing to control them anymore.

“This- It's not what it looks like!”

Gintoki, that indecent bastard, had a woman bent over the end of a western-style bed with a huge, pink canopy. Long, silky black hair was splayed out on the blankets in front of her, a handful of it mussed at the base of her neck from where Gintoki had previously grabbed it. Gintoki's right hand was holding on to her hip in a bruising grip, his left hand wrapped tightly around her mouth to keep her quiet. Forced to arch her back, her head was firmly tipped into Gintoki's shoulder even though he was pressing her down into the mattress with his body.

The fucking bastard.

Her face was turned away from Hijikata, but he could _hear_ her panting through Gintoki's hand. Olive skirts were pushed up around her slim hips to the small of her back, Gintoki pressing hard into her. She was white-knuckling the duvet beneath her, hands trembling. Red bite marks littered her neck, a hand-print bruise forming on her slender thigh. One knee was propped on the bed like she had tried to crawl away, her body language screaming _distress_.

Hijikata wasn't stupid. This didn't look consensual in the slightest. He didn't think Gintoki was capable of something like this, but at the same time, it was fucking Gintoki. Anything was possible, and everything had some long, drawn out, ridiculous excuse as to how and why. Well that bastard wasn't getting away with it today.

“Get the fuck off her.” Hijikata snapped.

“You- you don't understand!” Gintoki said, letting go of the woman's mouth and hip, hands in the air in surrender as he ever so slowly shifted his body off of her. Whimpering, the woman's face fell forward now that Gintoki wasn't holding her, bangs shielding her face until her forehead hit the bed. There were red marks on her cheeks from Gintoki's firm hand, fueling Hijikata's fury.

Gintoki's eyes were wide, smile twitching in the corner still as he tried to form words. His hips were still pressed into her, the bunched up skirts at least giving her some privacy. Gintoki's gross ass, on the other hand, was on full display.

Hijikata slid the door closed behind him with a resounding slam. He made direct eye contact with the bastard, right hand dropping to the hilt of his sword. “You're under arrest for rape. If you don't get off of her, this sword will be up _your_ ass.”

“Wait! Wait, wait!” Gintoki said, chuckling nervously, waving his hand. He didn't look drunk, so he knew exactly what he was doing. Didn't have an excuse, not that Hijikata would let him make one anyway. A vein pulsed in Hijikata's forehead.

“Just wait, let me explain! We're just playing rough, is all! But! Um! Uh….”

“You're telling me she agreed to being manhandled like that?” Hijikata asked sharply, enjoying the way the color drained from Gintoki's face. “She looks distressed, Gintoki.”

“I'm not distressed, I'm Katsura.”

Hijikata's eyes widened, jaw dropping slightly open as Katsura Kotarou lifted his head, sweaty bangs plastered to his forehead. His olive green eyes were half lidded, lips wet and kissed red. A sharp jolt shot down to Hijikata's groin, his ears instantly burning hotter.

“Heh, looks like he has the same effect on you as he has on me.” Gintoki said, chuckling nervously. “Now. Back to what I was saying. This isn't what it looks like...”

“You're-” Hijikata stuttered, eyes averting from Katsura's prone form. How had he not seen it? The hair, the toned muscles – fuck who was he kidding. Katsura was an underweight pretty boy. _Everyone_ at the party had mistaken him for a woman!

“He's just really sensitive and noisy is all, and how was I supposed to resist the stupid dress? It's so fluffy.” Gintoki said, right hand suddenly sliding up Katsura's hip and sliding under the skirts, exposing more skin and Katsura's ass, as well as where they were connected. “And I was being serious about playing rough. This guy loves manhandling.”

Katsura inhaled audibly at the light touch, eyes fluttering shut and lips parting.

“Stop! Stop!” Hijikata put a hand over his eyes, taking in a deep breath through his nose. “Oh my God.”

“You know, you could just turn around and walk away.” Gintoki said. “You can just walk away and pretend like you never saw anything, and then we can finish and I can go home in shame.”

“Shut up!” Hijikata yelled.

“Shhh!” Gintoki hissed. “Shut up before someone else walks in on us! What do you think they'll think if they see you here watching us?”

“Watching you? I'm not watching anything!” Hijikata hissed, voice lowered because Gintoki had a point. If someone walked in on the three of them – Hijikata wasn't even doing anything, which was probably the problem! - what kind of reputation would that earn the Vice Chief? What if Kondo saw them? What if _Sougo_ saw them! “Oh shit!”

“Just leave Mayora!” Gintoki hissed.

“Don't call me that! And I can't just leave, that would be a crime!” Hijikata hissed back. “You're under arrest for indecent exposure!”

“Then I'm obviously going to at least finish and make this all worth my while!”

“Oh hell no!”

Katsura groaned, shifting against Gintoki, causing him to suddenly moan. Katsura's cheeks were dusted red, one shoulder ever so slightly shifting to shield himself from Hijikata's gaze. He huffed, flashing Hijikata a wary look. But his lips were wet, his eyes half lidded. Those stupid red marks from where Gintoki had been pressing his hand over his mouth.

Hijikata licked his lips. _Oh shit!_

Katsura spoke to Gintoki after slowly raising his head, “If you're going to fight, at least let me up.”

“That would be too easy. Hijikata isn't getting off easy for interrupting us. You _are_ a terrorist after all, I'm sure the Demon Vice Chief has had some wet dreams about finally getting his hands on you, yeah?” Gintoki said, the hand that had been on Katsura's mouth suddenly sinking into the fine hair at the back of Katsura's head, fingers curling and gripping. Katsura made a high noise in the back of his throat, head lifting and eyelashes fluttering when Gintoki pulled at the strands.

“Don't you dare.” Hijikata warned, face suddenly burning.

“Don't I dare what?” Gintoki asked with a coy smile, hips slowly thrusting forward. Katsura whined, hand clenching in the duvet. Gintoki's grin suddenly showed off most of his teeth, rivaled one of Sougo's more sadistic grins. “Is this what you'd do if you caught him, Mayora? Sink your hands in his hair and force him down, giving him a nice slow fuck so he knows who's in control?”

The imagery had Hijikata shivering. “D-don't you dare do that! I will arrest you!” Hijikata hissed, trying to keep his flustered voice down. He glanced to the door nervously, but his eyes flickered back just in time to see Katsura silently moan, eyebrows knotting, mouth opening.

The next thrust had Katsura moaning loud, Gintoki's hand disentangling from his hair to cover his mouth once again. Gintoki leaned forward, chest pressing into Katsura's exposed back. The next thrust – Hijikata really needed to stop this - was harsher and Katsura cried out, his head getting pulled back into Gintoki's shoulder with one hand firmly covering his lips.

“I told you, he's noisy.” Gintoki said, drawing long, low noises out of Katsura's throat. “He never stops.”

“I will arrest you!” Hijikata threatened again. But he was watching. Watching the slow roll of Gintoki's hips, watching the way Katsura, lithe and thin, shifted under his weight. High noises muffled by the large hand were sending confused messages straight to Hijikata's groin. Katsura was shifting in pleasure, hips moving and hands clawing at the blankets. He was whining, high pitched and breathy, back arching as Gintoki kept a slow, even pace.

“Fuck,” Hijikata whispered, white knuckling the hilt of his sword. It was that hand over the terrorist's mouth, making it look bad. It was the size difference, the obvious control Gintoki had over the situation and the fact that Katsura had let him have it. It all gave Hijikata an odd sense of content.

“If you pull out that sword, you'll just make him noisier.” Gintoki warned, hand going firmly to Katsura's hip to keep him still. “You're talking to a couple of Joui rebels, after all. A drawn sword makes everything more exciting!”

“Shut up!”

Gintoki paused, out of breath. “And then he'll have a hard-on for you. What will you do with that?”

“Arrest his ass and throw him in jail!” Hijikata whispered heatedly, heart pounding in his chest because he was embarrassed and disgusted and turned on all at the same time. Katsura kept fidgeting, moving his hands and undulating his hips and- _fuck._ Gintoki swore at the fidgeting. He sunk his toned stomach to exposed back again, securely holding Katsura down as he firmly rocked into him once. Twice. Katsura's cry was silent, the breath knocked out of him.

Gintoki picked up from where he had left off, his forehead pressed to Katsura's shoulder.

Hijikata hummed at the sight, wondering what kind of joke fate was playing on him. He had to close his eyes to stop himself from getting too into it, but ended up imagining _himself_ knocking the breath from Katsura's lungs. Down in the cells below the barracks, cuffing Katsura's hands to the bar above his head as he protested. Pressing a hand against his mouth hard enough to leave red marks as he mounted him from behind, Katsura's head tucked back into his own shoulder. Katsura trying to keep quiet, but ultimately failing. Hijikata had to open his eyes.

Gintoki had taken up a faster, steadier rhythm, eyes half lidded as he fucked Katsura senseless. “Tell you what. If we make you come from all the way over there, you let us go. Okay?”

“No!” Hijikata whispered. “Shut up!”

Katsura suddenly turned his head away with a groan, Gintoki chuckling quietly. Hijikata's face only burned hotter, his body on fire. He didn't want to admit that his blood was rushing south at the idea, but Gintoki eyed him and the problem in his pants before smirking back at the terrorist beneath him. Hijikata didn't move from the doorway even though he should have. Stayed put, just like Gintoki knew he would. Hijikata just watched Gintoki nuzzle Katsura's hair, the permy bastard chuckling in amusement.

“Playing shy all of a sudden?” Gintoki asked, his right hand sliding up Katsura's hip, disappearing beneath the skirts and under his lower belly. Katsura whined, voice way too loud in the room even with the hand muting him. Gintoki's hand tightened over his mouth. The dancing fingers under Katsura's belly suddenly plunged lower between his legs. Katsura keened, eyebrows scrunching and back arching. He cried out an octave higher than before when Gintoki snapped his hips forward, firm hand still working beneath his slim hips.

Hijikata put a hand over his mouth.

Gintoki leaned forward, whispering with a shit eating grin. “The officer here is going to arrest us after. He's planning on manhandling you into your cell with your hands behind your back, pressing your face up against the wall. Or would you rather him spin you around and pin you there, hands above your head? You'll try and fight him, surely?”

 _Shut up!_ Hijikata wanted to say, but he didn't dare remove his hand from over his own mouth. Gintoki glanced over, a smirk plastering over his face.

Hijikata remained silent, just watched in silence with his hand pressed firmly over his mouth as the bed frame began to rock noisily into the wall. He wasn't even worried about the attention that would draw.

“Oh!” Katsura suddenly threw his head back, hips jerking hard enough to throw off Gintoki's tempo. Odd Jobs groaned, loud and low, pace slowing pleasurably.

Gintoki hushed Katsura, fingers sliding from the base of his neck to clench the hair at the top of his head. He roughly pressed Katsura's face into the bedding to muffle him, his free hand digging into Katsura's thigh and coaxing his ass higher in the air. Katsura only moaned louder, fingers sliding over the blankets looking for purchase. Hijikata wanted to grab them and hold them still, wanted to move closer but didn't dare to. He never imagined someone could be so fidgety during sex.

Gintoki rocked a few more times, skin slapping against skin, before Hijikata felt like he was going to implode from embarrassment. Why was this so hot? Hijikata's other hand came up to cover his mouth, pants painfully tight. Hijikata took a step back, leaning against the wall.

“He likes it right here.” Gintoki said with effort, the nails on both hands dragging down over Katsura's navel. Katsura yelped, head raising from the blankets and back arching into Gintoki's rough treatment, red lines trailing over the terrorists hips. Katsura's hips suddenly snapped back again, a loud keen tearing from his throat.

“Gin-!”

“ _Zura_.” Gintoki purred, pace quickening. His right hand slid up beneath Katsura's jaw, pulling him firmly back against Gintoki's chest. Katsura's arms were shaking, Gintoki's name falling from his mouth as he gasped. They rocked together into climax, Gintoki's hand instinctively tightening on Katsura's neck, Katsura choking on his cry as they came together.

The rocking slowed until Katsura eased himself onto the blankets with a content sigh. Gintoki waited for him to settle before slipping out, adjusting the skirts and his pants as he went. He was wearing a smug grin, lazy red eyes seeking out Hijikata's.

Hijikata still had his hands pressed to his face just as Gintoki bent over to pick up his jacket. When Gintoki straightened, Hijikata couldn't help but glance down at Gintoki's exposed torso, toned abs marred with angry red streaks. Gintoki smirked, eyeing the Vice Chief up and down, confidently stepping into his personal space. Hijikata shuddered.

“Good thing about leather pants is that no one will ever know, right?” Gintoki said, pinky finger ever so gently pressing at Hijikata's hip.

Hijikata scowled. His pants weren't tight anymore, were wet instead. He was mortified.

“Anytime you want round two, just come to good 'ol Gin-san.” Gintoki said, grabbing his red tie from where it had been hurriedly thrown to loop over the bed post. He also picked up a tiny pair of lacy black boy-shorts, tossing them in a ball at Katsura. The cloth hit Katsura square in the face before falling to the bed, the other man too exhausted to even flinch.

Gintoki smirked at Hijikata, whose eyes were locked on Katsura lazily rolling onto his side, movements graceful and cat like. The dress fit him nicely, the skirts puffing from his waist to give him the illusion of curves and not just skin and bones. The terrorist looked wrecked, eyes tired and fluttering. Hijikata got the feeling he had only showed up for the last round.

“You got him good.” Katsura said, lazy eyes flickering down to also stare at Hijikata's crotch. “Shame.” He said suggestively, filling Hijikata's head up with absurd ideas like having the biggest terrorist in the country arching into him with a breathy gasp while Hijikata held him down, hands pinned right beside that pretty little face. Maybe he'd even say _please_.

Hijikata's face turned bright red.

Gintoki snorted, patting the Vice Chief on the shoulder with a heavy hand. He leaned in real close, lips ghosting over the shell of Hijikata's ear. “You should come over after this ball dance fiasco is done with. _Our_ treat.”


	2. Just Because Someone Sounds Sure Doesn't Mean They Have Any Idea What's Going On Either

Naturally, Hijikata did not find himself at Odd Jobs later that night. Naturally, Hijikata did not find himself anywhere _near_ Gintoki that next week, watching out for the flash of white like it were a bad omen. Hijikata had even turned his back on Katsura once, thinking twice about chasing him down and arresting him (once about _actually_ arresting him, and once about _arresting_ him) in some dirty back alley.

It was four days later that Sougo finally said something. Casually, like the words coming out of his mouth were nothing out of the ordinary. “So I hear you've been having wet dreams?”

“What?” Hijikata spluttered, spitting his cigarette out by accident. They were walking down a busy street only a block away from that stupid cafe where Gintoki always got his sugar-loaded and diabetes-inducing parfaits. Hijikata's attention was on overdrive again, eyes and ears peeled for anything Gintoki -related. “How the hell did you hear nonsense like that?”

Hijikata's heart was already pounding in his chest at the mere mention of those stupid dreams that he most certainly had _not_ been having, hands twitching in both sexual and typical frustration. He should have denied it! Why didn't he deny it? Hijikata only hoped that Sougo misunderstood the flush that had spread across his face, hoped Sougo simply thought he was embarrassed. There was no way Sougo could know about Katsura and Gintoki. No. No way.

Unless Gintoki told him? Nah. That was also impossible.

“Half the barracks can hear you moaning in your sleep. It sure sounds like you're having fun.” Sougo said in a lazy drawl, his lips widening into his typical sadistic smirk. “Who are you dreaming about, Hijikata-san? Anyone I know?”

Hijikata scoffed, hastily digging in his jacket pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He didn't even want to think about his dreams in public, that was just asking for trouble. It had been getting harder to tell himself he _didn't_ want to get into bed with both Gintoki and Katsura. That he had missed his chance and he was regretting it.

“You're lying. I haven't been having wet dreams and I do not moan in my sleep! Are you sure it's not Kondo? He could be practicing in his dream for the day we get written into that fanfiction AU where he actually gets the love of his life!”

Sougo glanced up to him, red eyes wide with misleading innocence. “Oh? It's not like you to break the fourth wall, Hijikata-san. You're really having wet dreams?”

“Sh-shut up!” Hijikata snapped, biting the butt of his cigarette a little too hard. The filter exploded in his mouth, ash and tar coating his tongue. Hijikata cringed through it, focusing on the fact that he had just lost his _second_ cigarette in less than five-hundred words. “Just shut up and pay attention to what's around you. We're going to catch Joui terrorists today.”

Hijikata most certainly hoped they did _not_ run in to _any_ Joui terrorists today.

 

-

 

“Hijikata-san! Nail any terrorists lately?” Gintoki yelled from down the street with a shit eating grin and a lazy wave, effectively making Hijikata turn bright red on the spot. Sougo was standing right beside him, eyes narrowed at Gintoki in suspicion like he was unraveling the meaning behind existence itself. Even Kagura and Shinpachi looked suspicious like Gintoki's choice of words were, for once, incredibly odd.

“Fuck off! I should really be asking you that!” Hijikata yelled back, voice sharp but an octave too high. Abandoning his better judgment, Hijikata stalked halfway down the street to Gintoki, face on fire and teeth grinding down to stubs. The bastard had been teasing him all week, and Hijikata's resolve to not give in to the sexual taunts had been slowly weakening. Because through the teasing, it sounded like Gintoki was trying to offer him something. Like Gintoki's offer to join him and Katsura from last week still stood. _It's disgusting how much I want this._

Apparently, his resolve had finally broken. Unsure of what he actually intended to do, he waved Kagura and Shinpachi aside, barreling past them. He stalked straight up to Gintoki with heavy feet, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

Gintoki didn't flinch as Hijikata leaned into his space. His lazy smirk only grew wider, eyes fluttered halfway closed. Hijikata wanted to smack the smugness right off his face.

“We need to talk about you _illegal activities._ ” Hijikata spat. Sleeping with a terrorist was associating with a terrorist, meaning Gintoki was, inadvertently, in league with Katsura's faction. But at the end of the day, Hijikata didn't care about that anymore. He just wanted the dreams to stop. The pent up frustration to dissipate. He wasn't sure if getting into bed with the perm head would do the trick, but yelling at Gintoki sounded like a good enough start.

It had been six days since the stupid Ball, and Gintoki had been more than adamant on finding Hijikata in the street and terrorizing him. Had started yelling obscene things like: _'Officer, please spank me for being a bad boy!'_ when Hijikata had arrested him for napping in the park like a hobo where children were playing. And like: _'Oh! Oh Yes, Hijikata-san! Touch my wood!'_ when Hijikata had confiscated Gintoki's bokuto after the man had been using it to publicly scratch his ass and crotch while making lewd suggestions at him. There were a handful of other very good examples, but Hijikata was already pissed remembering those particular two.

“Illegal activities?” Gintoki asked with an amused lilt to his voice. “Whatever do you mean?”

Hijikata grabbed him roughly by the bicep, dragging him away from Kagura and Shinpachi and Sougo. Gintoki went easily, calling over his shoulder at his kids, telling them _'don't do anything I would!'_. Kagura was threatening Hijikata, _a police officer_ , not to harm her Gin-chan and Sougo was telling them to use protection.

 _God._ Hijikata scoffed, dragging Gintoki through the crowd and around the nearest corner, out of sight of the kids. Did he look sexual frustrated too? He wasn't completely sure what he was doing, but he was going to roll with it. Gintoki had been frustrating him beyond relief and he needed to do _something_ before he snapped. Even seeing Gintoki was making his blood burn (pleasantly).

He dragged Gintoki behind him into the nearest alley, hauling him into the darkness before Gintoki decided he'd had enough of the manhandling. Gintoki stopped, Hijikata coming to a standstill right beside him because Gintoki had suddenly become a dead weight. Suddenly, it felt like the tables had turned. Like Hijikata wasn't in control of situation anymore. Had possibly never been.

Hijikata's hand was still wrapped around Gintoki's bicep, fingers curling in irritation. It looked like a good enough spot to start yelling, so Hijikata whirled where he stood, teeth bared. Gintoki looked so damn smug again that Hijikata really thought he would slap him this time. Hijikata started yelling just as Gintoki opened his mouth to say something.

“ _You_ need to stop saying such risque things in public!” Hijikata said, loud, eyes narrowed and cigarette thoroughly crushed between his teeth. “You're a fucking public nuisance! Have you been following me all week? Getting in my way on purpose? How many times do I have to tell you to fuck off before you leave me alone? What do you think you're going to get, yelling-”

Gintoki suddenly shrugged out of Hijikata's grasp like it had been nothing. Gintoki's own hands landed on Hijikata's biceps, curling just as viciously as Hijikata's had been on his. Hijikata didn't even get the chance to properly gasp before Gintoki shoved him hard and fast, his face changing from smug to slack. Hijikata's back slammed up against the cold store wall, the breath knocked out of him. He glanced up, dazed, just as Gintoki dropped his nose less than an inch from Hijikata's. A jolt shot straight into Hijikata's groin. He shivered.

“We both know what this is really about.” Gintoki said, voice low and careful.

Hijikata's heart stopped. His teeth smashed together. Blue eyes stared into red, Gintoki's gaze unwavering. Suddenly, Hijikata's heart started to pound again, an uneven rhythm echoing in his temples. Hijikata didn't dare open his mouth, eyes wide, torn between excitement and insecurity.

Gintoki leaned in closer. His hips pressed forward gently against Hijikata's. Unsure. “Okita's had some interesting stories lately.” Gintoki said without humor. His drawl was lazy, “Something about dreams?”

Hijikata clicked his tongue, momentarily looking away while a blush blossomed on his cheeks. Sougo _told_ him? “Shut up.”

Gintoki snorted. “What is it, _Officer_? You've been avoiding me all week like you're going to catch my laziness and suddenly get a parfait craving. Don't tell me you regret not coming to the _after party_ after the Shogun's Ball?”

Hijikata felt his face burn. He had been avoiding Gintoki because he had been embarrassed and unsure. But in the end, he still wanted it. Him. “Shut _up_.”

Gintoki leaned forward, hips nudging. Still unsure. Hijikata, with his head turned away in embarrassment, nudged him back. He could feel his hands shaking, an odd excitement running through him. He was already reacting, the dreams putting him on edge. With a job like Hijikata's not much took him by surprise anymore. Not much had ever gotten the adrenaline sparking so pleasantly like Gintoki, the _Shiroyasha_ , shoving him up against a dirty alley wall, low and threatening and full of promise.

Hijikata's bangs shifted from Gintoki's chuckle. Gintoki leaned forward, lips sliding across Hijikata's cheek until they rested just over his ear, breath puffing in contained laughter. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Hijikata swallowed, eyes closing. He could feel heat pooling in his belly, slowly trickling lower. He was embarrassed, but that did nothing for the problem he was once again finding in his pants. _Fucking Gintoki._

Gintoki glanced down between them, lips quirking at the corners. “Is this what you want?” Gintoki asked, quiet against his ear, warm chest pressing against Hijikata's as he rolled his hips into Hijikata's, slow but powerful.

Hijikata took a deep breath, eyes still closed. His chin was resting on Gintoki's shoulder, the man caging him. He was suddenly weak at the knees. “I- I think so?”

Gintoki spluttered. He leaned back, staring at Hijikata incredulously, red flickering back and forth at blue eyes. The expression was so raw that Hijikata snorted, trying not to laugh.

“ _I think so_? You, of all people, should know 'I think so' isn't consent.” Gintoki said. “Is that a 'yes' or a 'no' or an 'ask me in a few hours', Hijikata?”

“It's a yes.” Hijikata said way too fast. His face burned again with a fresh wave of embarrassment. Before he could really think about what he was saying, he tumbled on. “This is what I want, and I, uh. Fuck. You and Katsura… It's been… bothering me… in the best ways...”

“Good.” Gintoki said, hips pressing deliciously into Hijikata. Hands slid from Hijikata's biceps down to his stomach. Gintoki leaned in close again. Hijikata gasped, head knocking back into the wall as heavy hands settled on his hips, so firm and heavy.

Gintoki's lips ever so lightly brushed over Hijikata's. Hijikata inhaled, lips parting. Gintoki chuckled, suddenly pulled away with a shit eating grin on his face. “You're going to have to earn it.” Gintoki said, stepping back, completely out of Hijikata's space. He brushed invisible dirt off of his yukata.

“Unlike you, Gin-chan isn't that easy, you know.”

“Unlike me?” Hijikata snapped. “Did you not just ask me if this is what I want?”

“Doesn't mean I'm going to give it to you. Right here or any time soon.” Gintoki said, shoving his pinky into his nose. “Geez, Hijikata. You're really just as horny as Sougo said. You need to start taking better care of yourself or your mini-Hiji-chan isn't going to last long during the real deal.”

Hijikata spluttered, embarrassed. The anxiety and insecurity that had kept him from Gintoki's front door suddenly crashed back through him. He suddenly wondered if Gintoki had invited him as a joke, back in one of the Shogun's guest bedrooms. If all of this had been a joke. Embarrassment crashed through him, the cold kind that seared behind his eyes and suffocated him from inside. The one that shredded trust, leaving Hijikata floundering for the remaining strings. “You- you're- you're lying. You just lied to me straight to my face to get me to- to say-”

Gintoki hesitated, giving Hijikata's distraught features a careful once over. He chuckled after a moment, stepping closer. His teasing tone was gone. “I said you're going to have to earn it. It's not like we can do anything here right now, anyway.” Gintoki said, winking. “Let's call it elaborate foreplay until the time is right.”

Hijikata blinked, unsure. “Can you… explain?”

Gintoki shoved his pinky back into his nose, turning away so Hijikata couldn't see his face. “Well first of all, figure out how you want it. Come to me when you're ready.”

Hijikata stared after him, eyebrows creasing together. How he wanted it?

“And once you figure out what you want from me or Zura, you'll know how to earn it.” Gintoki said. He raised his hand, waving. “Well. I'm a busy man who needs his parfait. Until then, mini-Hiji-chan!”

“Who the fuck are you calling mini-Hiji-chan?” Hijikata yelled, flustered. Gintoki disappeared from the alley, leaving Hijikata to fix himself. _Fucking bastard._ He dug out his third cigarette that day, shoving it between his lips. _How do I want it?_

 

-

 

It was six more days (and six more nights of wet dreams) before Hijikata figured out what Gintoki had meant. _Figure out how you want it._ Ironically, Hijikata had to finally arrest Katsura in order to realize what needed to be done.

“I am not Katsura, I am Captain Katsuuura.” Katsura said.

“You just added in an extra 'u', don't fuck with me.” Hijikata said as he dragged Katsura by his cuffed hands out of the alley and toward the police cruiser. It had been another long day and arresting Katsura just meant one less problem for Hijikata. He still hadn't figured out what Gintoki had meant, still hadn't worked up the nerve to just go over and _ask._

“I am a Captain of the highest caliber, on an intricate and super secret space mission across the galaxy!”

Katsura was decked out in his captain costume again, had been caught while he was trying to buy parts for a spacecraft. Sougo had been the one to chase him down and tackle him, smashing Katsura's face into the alley dirt. Katsura's lip had been split from the impact, wrists already turning a fine shade of purple from Sougo's mistreatment with the cuffs. Hijikata had refused to give chase, for obvious reasons to everyone but himself and the readers. Had instead waited patiently by the cruiser for Sougo to either come sulking back, or to proudly drop the Joui patriot at Hijikata's feet like a cat gifting a dead mouse to his owner.

“You can not arrest me for I have a warrant stating that you are legally not allowed to do that! It's in my spaceship back at the terminal, so politely uncuff me so I may retrieve it!”

Hijikata's eyes, he belatedly realized, had been focused on Katsura's split lip as he tried to bullshit him. _Uh-oh._ Hijikata looked away, trying to keep his thoughts straight and far away from bedroom activities. He needed to deal with Gintoki before he could deal with Katsura, anyway.

“Hijikata-san.” Sougo said, opening the back door of the police cruiser. “Kondo said he's going to stay and talk to the shop owner. We can take Katsura back to HQ and get him processed.”

Hijikata shoved Katsura into the back seat none too gently, watching the way his hair flew when he fell into the car. Hijikata stood up straight, pried his eyes away, and slammed the door closed amidst Katsura's vain explanation as to which _Space Captain_ he was currently pretending to be and why he needed to be released right this minute.

Hijikata clicked his tongue, fishing in his pocket for a cigarette. He popped it out and shoved it violently in his mouth before turning to Sougo. _I need a day off._ He pulled out his mayo lighter. “You stay here with Kondo. I have a feeling there are more Joui hanging around. It'd be better if you were here too, just in case. I am really through with this bastard slipping through our fingers.”

Sougo chuckled, arms crossing. “I will only stay if I have permission to go all-out.”

“Don't kill anyone, we need them alive.” Hijikata said, rolling his eyes as he lit his cigarette, taking in a clouded, beautiful inhale. “But if they have a few broken bones, they deserve it at this point.”

Hijikata climbed into the car, eyes flickering to rear-view mirror as he started the cruiser. Katsura was shifting in the back seat, trying to rearrange himself to get more comfortable. “I'm serious. I'm really Luke Skywaltzer! You've arrested the wrong terrorist! I must save the galaxy!”

“Listen? _Kotarou_. Can you shut up?” Hijikata asked, putting the car in drive and pulling away from the store. He merged into traffic aggressively, irritably commentating on other people's driving as he did so and then flipping that anger straight back onto Katsura. “Between you and Gintoki, I'm ready to stab one of you just for breathing in my direction.”

Katsura laughed, the note high and sharp. “Between me and Gintoki? Is that where you want to be?”

“What is with the two of you and this not so subtle flirting?” Hijikata snapped, eyes flickering to the rear-view mirror. “Can you not verbally harass me?”

“I'm not harassing you, I'm Katsura.” Katsura said. He was grinning though, a shit eating grin just as disgusting as Gintoki's. How had Hijikata not seen how close they were, before? The mannerisms were all there if he looked hard enough. The shit eating grin. The bizarre imagination. The ridiculous negotiating to try and get what they want. Suddenly, Hijikata wondered what bad habits he had picked up from Gintoki himself.

“And if I was flirting with you,” Katsura said, eyelashes fluttering, “you'd be stuttering right now.”

“You're both way too overconfident.” Hijikata said.

“And if Gintoki was flirting with you, you wouldn't have been able to mention it with such a straight face.”

Hijikata glanced into the rear-view again, eyes narrowing. He had been a blushing idiot back in that alley with Gintoki, but now? Hijikata didn't feel embarrassed. He was still frustrated and confused.

He looked back to the road, hands tightening on the steering wheel as he navigated through traffic, way too far from their destination for Hijikata's liking. Since he had given Gintoki permission in that alley, it was all Hijikata could think about. Rather. _Over_ think about. _Would this make us fuck buddies? Is that what I want? No feelings? Or do I want this because I_ have _feelings for him? Do I want to date him? Them? Have I unknowingly been accepted into their little group? Do I want that, do I really want this? Of course I want this, I've spent almost two weeks thinking about the offer. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought of it before..._

He waited until he hit a red light to peek back at Katsura again in the rear-view. He wanted this, whatever Katsura and Gintoki were offering him, and this might be his chance to get the information he needed. To be able to _earn_ whatever Gintoki was willing to give him. _Curiosity killed the cat._ “What about you? Can you keep a straight face and tell me Gintoki flirts with you?”

Katsura shifted at the question, right shoulder raising ever so slightly towards his face. His cheeks dusted cutely red, high and gentle unlike Hijikata's blatant full body flushes. He looked away. Hijikata clicked his tongue, averting his eyes. “Stop with the damsel in distress look.”

“I'm not a damsel-”

“You're Katsura. I know. Shut up.” Hijikata interrupted. He continued on, traitorous words leaving his mouth. It was probably because he was still having questionable dreams about holding Katsura down and fucking him until his cries were hoarse. _That,_ Hijikata had never thought about until recently. “Gintoki told me I'd have to earn it and I still have no fucking idea what that means. Does he expect me to flirt with him? Is this a dating situation or just a low-key thing? Do I just show up at his doorstep, or is there a _process?_ ”

Katsura was quiet in the back as they turned onto the main road, traffic holding up the lanes because no one understood that the _speed limit_ was actually the _speed minimum_. (Don't do this at home, kids.) Hijikata clicked his tongue as he changed lanes, cutting a car off in his frustration and speeding ahead. He needed another lit cigarette and maybe a mayonnaise sandwich – after locking Katsura into the cell he would inevitably escape.

“How do you _want_ it?” Katsura finally asked, clear as day.

Hijikata spluttered, Gintoki's exact words ringing in his ears in a different voice. “What? I don't know what that _means_.”

“ _What_ means you're asking for information or trying to specify something.” Katsura deadpanned.

“Holy shit.” Hijikata said, teeth clamping. “Are you fucking serious?”

“I'm not fucking serious, I'm Katsura.” Katsura said. “That is the correct definition for the word _what_. Check the dictionary. I didn't know the Shinsengumi were gorillas _and_ illiterate.”

“Gintoki. I'm fucking talking about fucking Gintoki you fuck. Don't you fucking dare do that shit with me, holy God. I don't understand what you mean by _'how do you want it'_ ” Hijikata was glad his windows were up, because he was yelling. His blood pressure was dangerously high, and he wasn't even sure why he was so mad. Katsura was smiling in the back seat. “How do I want what? Sex? The relationship? I don't understand what he wants me to do! How I earn it! I don't understand how this works, how the two of you work!”

“You're such a virgin.” Katsura teased, voice lilting. “Why didn't you just ask him?”

“Who are you calling a virgin!” Hijikata yelled, face red. He was just confused! Terribly confused! After he had split from Mitsuba, way back when, he had slept with enough people to consider himself _aware._ Wouldn't consider himself skilled or even a decent lay. He hadn't even had much interest until now. “I- I'm _not_ a virgin. And I don't know why I didn't just ask him! Who asks stuff like that?”

“Sure, sure.” Katsura laughed. “How do you want it with Gintoki? Do you want him soft and slow? Sensual? Or do you want him to grab you by your hair and fuck you until you're apologizing for intentionally pissing him off?”

Hijikata hummed thoughtfully, eyes narrowed. “I don't know?”

“You want to sleep with him, correct?” Katsura asked blatantly.

 _I'd kind of like to fuck both of you._ Hijikata turned red, but his voice remained steady, eyes glued to the road. “Yes.”

“Well.” Katsura started, rolling his eyes. “You can show up at his doorstep bawling your eyes out and demanding his utmost comfort because you are helpless and emotionally questionable, to which he'll press you up against the wall and kiss you all gentle and careful.”

“You're being creepily descriptive.” Hijikata noted.

“Or you can do something to piss him off, and he'll give you the pounding of a lifetime, leaving you unable to walk for at least a day.” Katsura said. “It's all about give and take. You need to understand that Gintoki is...” Katsura trailed off, humming in thought. “You're unsure about the proposition, correct? Worried if you go to Gintoki's door and just ask to sleep with him, he might push you away or tell you it was a joke. You think you might ruin your friendship, so you've been avoiding him because you want it, but you're not sure.”

Hijikata's mouth twitched. For an idiot, Katsura could definitely read between the lines, if not between the between-the-lines. “Yeah.” Hijikata admitted.

“It's the same for him.” Katsura said. “He thinks very highly of you.”

Hijikata glanced into the rear-view, startled by the revelation. _Does he really?_ It also wasn't much of a secret, Gintoki's insecurities. Hijikata had noticed them recently, had noticed that they were always there, lurking beneath the surface, when it came to things he cared about.

“I know you'll understand when I say you need to reassure Gintoki. He told you to earn it, but you're not earning anything, you're validating that you genuinely want him.” Katsura said. “Actions speak louder than words. For example, if you were to park this car somewhere and then fuck me until I'm in tears, mark me up like I'm only yours, he would proceed to fuck exactly as described without hesitating.”

Hijikata glanced into the mirror, mouth slightly open. “Are you being hypothetical?”

“I'm not hypothetical. I'm straightforward.” Katsura said. “He can be rather possessive.”

“So I leave my mark on you, and he'll come after me?” Hijikata asked, disbelief. It sounded... exciting. Way too exciting. Dangerously exciting. “And you're okay with that?”

Katsura smirked, eyes glinting. “You already have me in handcuffs, _officer_. Can I really fight you off if you decide you want me?”

“ _Katsura_.” Hijikata said, a low, warning growl.

“I'm not Katsura.” Katsura said. “I'm the elusive leader of a Joui terrorist faction who single-handedly stole the katana's out of all of your men's scabbards and replaced them with Styrofoam fakes, currently cuffed and at your mercy, _Demon Vice Chief._ ”

Hijikata slammed on the breaks at a green light. “You did what!” The light turned yellow, the car behind him honked. Putting the cruiser into park, Hijikata checked his katana, pulling it out of its scabbard to expose an inch of neon green Styrofoam. “When the hell did you do this?”

Katsura began to laugh. “And why would I give up my secrets _before_ you've raised your hands to me?”

“Are you a masochist?” Hijikata snapped, twisting in his seat. “What is with you? Do you want me to rough you up that badly? Do You understand what you're asking for?” _This guy loves manhandling,_ Gintoki had said. Hijikata shivered, smile widening.

“I'm sure you understand, Demon vice Chief. We're both the same.” Katsura said. “Gintoki likes to be in control. But some of us, like you and I, have too much power over too many people on a daily basis. We would rather be dominated or forced to submission. Only then do we find release.”

Hijikata stared. He understood what Katsura was saying, but he was hesitating anyway. “If you consent...”

Katsura perked up. “I consent to your worst, Demon Vice Chief.”

“Nothing too crazy to start.” Hijikata warned.

Katsura only laughed, cackling smugly like he knew something Hijikata didn't. Hijikata's eyebrow twitched in suspicion. “Oh, _sure_. And Hijikata-san? I hear you've been quite horny these past two weeks. When I changed out your blades for Styrofoam after the Ball, I also mixed your evening bottle of mayonnaise with an aphrodisiac.”

 

-

 

It was the tampering with his mayonnaise that sent Hijikata into motion.

Parked in the Shinsengumi garage, Hijikata slammed the back door closed behind him, shoving Katsura over onto his back with a single hand to his chest. Katsura looked like he was trying not to smile, vulnerable with his hands cuffed behind his back. Both of his feet were still on the floor, the position not very comfortable or practical for what Hijikata planned to do. It was all that talk about Gintoki and fucking and Katsura being reduced to tears.

With his other hand, Hijikata gripped Katsura's fine jaw a little more harshly than he had originally intended to. Didn't realize how much he would like being the one in control, sitting over Katsura who didn't look concerned in the slightest. Hijikata didn't think he was much of a sadist, wasn't looking to change Katsura's smug confidence into fear. He just wanted to break through the stubbornness.

Hijikata had always worked for everything he wanted, after all. He wouldn't be satisfied with just getting it.

He would rearrange their slightly awkward position after. Right now, he needed to make something clear.

“Let's get one thing straight.” Hijikata said, using his _Demon Vice Chief_ voice as he leaned over him. “If you need me to stop, even if it's because you've suddenly changed your mind about all of this, just say _'Otaku'_.”

“Otaku?” Katsura asked, chuckling.

“Yes.” Hijikata said, trying not to shudder at the terrifying revelation he'd had with the cursed blade. Talk about major turn off. He was also currently too furious to be bashful about where this was going. “Clear?”

“Clear, _otaku_.” Katsura said. His pupils were blown wide, his breath already heavy. Hijikata found he really liked the look. “Do you really think I'll beg for you to stop? _Hijikata_?”

“You put an aphrodisiac in my _mayo_.” Hijikata hissed, leaning closer, noses almost brushing. “That's _sacrilegious_.”

Katsura leaned up, lips ghosting over Hijikata's. “Do you know what else I put in your mayo?”

Hijikata instantly gagged at the first dirty thought that crossed his mind, suddenly leaning back as nausea passed over him, hand covering his mouth. Katsura's eyes widened, his smile quirked in disbelief.

Hijikata glowered at him, extremely suspicious and disturbed. “Nothing _weird_ , right?”

“ _No._ ” Katsura said, propping himself up on his elbows. “What did you _think_ I was going to say?”

“I don't know, what _were_ you going to say?”

“I'm not telling! If you puke on me, I'll shove it back in your face!” Katsura said. “It's not like I mixed gorilla shit into your mayo!”

Hijikata gagged again, both hands over his mouth. His eyes widened, bleary with anguish. Not in his precious mayo! “Did you? Did you really?”

“No!”

“I swear to fuck, I will shove my mayonnaise straight down your throat if you did.” Hijikata threatened, hands grabbing Katsura by his jaw again. “Did you touch any of the other bottles? Did you touch the one I carry with me?”

“Are you talking about _mayonnaise_ mayonnaise or are you being metaphorical?” Katsura asked. “And no! I just opened the Shinsengumi fridge that night because sneaking around like a criminal is hard work and I needed a snack, and clearing out your fridge after you do groceries is also good terrorist work. I saw that all of your bottles are labeled, 'breakfast' and 'lunch' and 'first snack' and 'coffee'. Gintoki was pretty dejected when you no-showed after the Ball, so I took the 'evening snack' one and mixed it with a stimulant. I also tried to put hot sauce in the 'breakfast' one but I ran out because Elizabeth was eating it. You're lucky! That's what I meant by _'you know what else I put in your mayo?'_ It was hot sauce! Except it wasn't because I ran out!”

“Lucky my ass!” Hijikata yelled. “What else did you do that night? Sneaking around the barracks, you bastard!”

“As if I will just tell you! A magician does not reveal his secrets!” Katsura said. “I have better things to do than to hang out with you dogs!”

“ _Who's_ the dog?” Hijikata asked, leaning back over Katsura. The hand on his pale throat pushed him back down into the seat. Katsura's hair splayed beneath him. “Last I saw, Gintoki fucked you like some stray mutt, you little shit!”

“Better a free mutt than a prissy little lap dog!” Katsura yelled. “We know which kind of dog makes the most unnecessary noise and can't reach to do the fucking!”

Katsura yelped. Hijikata reflexively tightened his grip on Katsura's throat, his patience at its end. “We'll see which dog does the fucking.” Hijikata said. He shifted onto his knees, grabbing onto Katsura's legs with both hands. “Who do you think you're calling a prissy little lap dog? Mangy stray mutts can become lapdogs too, you know! It's called TLC!”

There was a momentary scuffle as Hijikata tried to get between Katsura's legs, the back of the car too small to do to much shuffling around. Katsura feigned refusal, but he tried to help position himself after a moment when he realized Hijikata was struggling in the very limited space. Katsura really did try, but with his hands cuffed under him and Hijikata practically kneeling on him, he ended up kicking Hijikata in the stomach and simultaneously smashed the back of his own head off the door handle.

“Fuck, you totally ruined the mood. Don't you dare ever talk about my mayo again.” Hijikata said, sitting up so that his back was leaning against the window, giving Katsura space to sit up. He fished out his pack of cigarettes, popping one out.

“ _I_ did not ruin the mood, _you_ did.” Katsura said, cringing against the pain in the back of his skull. “You and your stupid mayonnaise addiction ruined it!”

Hijikata clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. “This isn't working. I'm just going to process you and then feed you that contaminated mayo. I'll watch you squirm all night in your cell with a hard on you can't even touch because I'm not taking off your cuffs, you little bastard.”

“You wouldn't.” Katsura said, eyes narrowing.  
  
But Hijikata sure fucking _did_.


	3. Third Time's A Charm, But The Fourth Is Just Overkill And Asking For Trouble

“He did what?” Gintoki was trying not to laugh, but he was uncontrollably snickering from behind his hand as they walked down the street. He had been the one to suggest the aphrodisiac that night, unaware that Katsura actually had drugs so readily available.  
Katsura was at his side, grumbling and cranky from his _uneventful adventure_ the night before. Gintoki didn't blame him, if he had been in Katsura's position, he would have been cranky too. “ _You_ tried to talk dirty? You're terrible at that and we both know it.”

“I don't know how you do this to people.” Katsura complained, completely ignoring Gintoki's last statement. “He's so flighty but he wants in on it anyway and was totally ready to give it to me. Hard by the way. Apparently he's not playing for a nice, gentle time. You're going to have to put him in his place.”

“Great. It's like Gin-chan is irresistible and undeniably sexy.” Gintoki said, his grin was wide on his face.

Katsura scoffed, rolling his eyes. He was smiling though, trying to hide it.

Inviting Hijikata over after the Ball had been spontaneous. At the time, Gintoki had thought he had breached some sort of unspoken rule between him and Katsura and that they would be done and over with, but Katsura had been the first one to speak of it, to approve of the idea. Their relationship was complex; wasn't conventional anyway.

“Didn't think he'd take me so seriously.” Gintoki mused.  _He's so serious, how cute._ Had endlessly worried that Hijikata would react irreparably negative to the offer.

Katsura hummed. “He's not getting in this just to fool around a few times.”

Gintoki's heart throbbed, that little ball of anxiety in his chest reminding him of its presence. _Does he want more than a good lay? Can I give him more?_ He could hardly give Katsura more. _They could both do better than me..._

Instead of commenting on it, Gintoki turned to teasing. “By the way, you have this healthy, well fed glow about you. Maybe I'll have to take you home, have you while you've got some fat on your belly. It'll be a real treat.”

“Shut up.” Katsura snapped. “I was sick half the night from the mayonnaise, not to mention he overdosed me on the aphrodisiac because he didn't know how much I put in that bottle He had a golden opportunity to live out a fantasy and he just left me to suffer. By myself. In that cell. He left me _cuffed_ too with no wiggle room! I couldn’t even slip the cuffs in front of me!”

Gintoki snorted again, hand going dramatically to cover his mouth. This was turning out better than he thought. He had originally intended just to work up Hijikata, get him frustrated and certain he wanted to play with them. But now, Hijikata was working up Katsura too. It was great. Great for Gintoki. Because as far as things looked, Hijikata and Katsura both wanted this just as bad as Gintoki did.

“Poor little Zura. Didn't get his dream fuck by the demon vice chief in a prison cell.”

“Shut up.” Katsura said. “He's not even my type.” A lie.

“Why? Because he doesn't have a white perm and he's not a middle-aged widow?” Gintoki suddenly hummed conspiratorially. “I mean, technically not a widow but close enough. I think his heart still belongs to someone else who has passed away. Probably why he acts like a bashful virgin half the time. Demon in the streets, bashful in the sheets!”

Katsura scoffed rolling his eyes. Gintoki began to giggle again because he knew this _Thing_ would work with Hijikata specifically. If anything, Gintoki was lucky Katsura was so attracted to heart ache.

“Shut up.” Katsura said, turning to Gintoki. Their hands bumped as they stopped at the corner, Katsura leaned in intimately close. He huffed, changing topics. “Did you come across that part for Sakamoto yet?”

“Nope. You?” Gintoki asked, pinky wrapping around Katsura's.

“No.” Katsura said. He leaned forward, eyes closed and quickly bumped their noses together. “Don't stay out too late looking. Go home, eat dinner.”

“You too, you skinny bastard.” Gintoki said as they parted, pinkies the last to separate. Katsura disappeared into the crowd like a ghost vanishing through a wall.

Gintoki would wait. Would wait for Hijikata to make his move and for Katsura to come back. Passing the time was something Gintoki excelled at, after all.

 

-

  
Katsura didn't care much for bars or clubs. There were too many people and way too much alcohol (Zura would be drunk after one shot, what a lightweight) and so, he only found himself at the fancy club in the middle of the night for information. He was still trying to track down this allusive piece of Amanto machinery for Sakamoto's ship. It was three days later and three uneventful nights later that he realized the job was going to be a hassle. It required him to shelf his burning-out hatred for Amanto as a whole and he was really starting to get sick of cranberry juice. Not to mention it was cutting into the time he had usually dedicated to bothering Gintoki with his love and affection. He wasn't sour about that or anything.

It was after several more conversational dead ends that he found himself in the high-end bathroom. He was fixing his low ponytail with wet hands, eyes focused on his reflection in the massive mirror. He had dressed the part to both appeal and to blend in, his katana snug against his hip. Business casual, a black vest over a mint green dress shirt, grey slacks, and he _may_ have bought a matching pair of Gintoki's styled boots. There were bags forming under his eyes, he was tired and starting to get moody; too many rowdy Amanto in one space usually soured his temper and stirred up his more murderous desires.

The bathroom door suddenly swung open, a familiar jacket and a familiar glare reflected in the massive mirror. The air seemed to freeze between them, Katsura's instincts confused for the second time in his life. Katsura leaned heavily against the marble countertop, unsure if he should flee or face the Demon Vice Chief who was locking the bathroom door.

Locking the bathroom door?

“Katsura Kotarou.” Hijikata said, Katsura's attention fixed on the lock that Hijikata had just slid into place. Hijikata crossed his arms, leaning his shoulder against the door like he knew Katsura was going to make a run for it. His eyes suddenly strayed to Katsura's attire, before returning to his face, facial features were all hard lines, solidified determination.

 _Now? He comes to play now?_ Katsura eyed the officer up. _Not a bad way to end my night..._

Katsura smiled innocently. “Fancy seeing you here, Hijikata.”

“The owner called about suspicious activity.” Hijikata said. “I figured it was you. Looks like I was right.”

“Great.” Katsura said, spinning where he stood. He leaned back against the counter, laughing. “And now what? You locked us in but we're at a standstill. If you don't leave the door and I don't leave this counter, you can't arrest me. But if you leave the door to arrest me, then we both know I'll get away.”

Hijikata remained silent, blue eyes watching. “What makes you so sure I'm here to arrest you?”

Katsura's grin disappeared, arms crossing, hands looking for sleeves to disappear into but not finding them. “Did you think this through?”

“I did, actually.” Hijikata said. He raised one hand from his crossed arms lazily, like he was taking lessons from Gintoki or something, his pointer and middle finger slowly wagging as one in a _come-hither_ motion.

Katsura froze, eyes trained on those fingers, something about the gesture completely obscene. There was a moment of hesitation before Katsura straightened his back, his suspicions clear on his face. He remained stubbornly where he stood. “If you want something from me, you're going to have to come and take it.”

Hijikata stood up from the door like a dog on the hunt, the movement sending a chill up Katsura's spine. He stood even straighter as Hijikata abandoned his post at the door without hesitation, stalking closer with his blue eyes trained on Katsura and Katsura alone.

 _Get out._ Passed through Katsura's thoughts briefly, but he remained where he stood, spine prickling with every step Hijikata took until he was right in front of him, his intentions clear. Hijikata leaned forward, placed one hand on the counter at Katsura's hip. Excitement fluttered in Katsura's chest, as well as something odd and flighty he rarely ever felt. Nervousness.

Gintoki had been eager to get the officer in bed with them, and Katsura had seen the thrill. Could understand the exhilaration. But at the end of the day, Katsura and Hijikata were at different ends of the spectrum, crime and law, and that made him nervous. Hesitant. He would do it for Gintoki, though.

Katsura kept his ground as Hijikata settled before him, leaving merely an inch between their bodies. Hijikata's nose hovered just over Katsura's own, his breath ghosting against Katsura's skin. Katsura shivered.

He waited. Hijikata was staring intently, most likely having an internal debate, before he finally leaned in, lips sliding along Katsura's cheek. They stopped just blow his ear, Hijikata's breath warm against his jaw. He hesitated. _He's just as nervous as I am._ “You and Gintoki owe me an apology.”

Katsura inhaled, turned slightly into Hijikata's face. “Do we, now?”

Hijikata closed the distance between their bodies, chest brushing chest. His knee slunk between Katsura's legs, not yet pressed against him. Just there. Warning. Katsura inhaled again, eyes fluttering down to it. “What ever did we do?”

Hijikata's hand came up, gripping the pony tail Katsura had just finished fixing and he tugged, leaning back so Katsura could make eye contact. “You, for my mayo. Gintoki, for being responsible for _all_ of this.”

“Oh?” Katsura asked, breathless. He smirked. The hairs were rising on his arms, a tingle in his stomach. His arms were still crossed, hands gripping his own biceps. “What are you going to do?”

“I'm going earn my keep with you two.” Hijikata said, leaned forward and tentatively pressed his lips against Katsura's. After a moment of hesitation, Katsura pressed back, encouraging.

“I'm going to send you to Gintoki all marked and fucked up... if that's okay.”

“Do it.”

Hijikata's knee knocked Katsura's legs apart so he could press himself against him, gently, mouth going back to Katsura's jaw. Teeth scraped across skin in warning bites and kisses, Katsura's breath suddenly heavy. Hijikata was too timid, too unsure and starting to back off, so Katsura took the initiative to encourage him.

One hand on Hijikata's face, Katsura kissed him on the lips, hard and deep, teeth nipping at his bottom lip to spur him on. It didn't take much to boost his confidence, Katsura's free hand slid between them to grip Hijikata through his pants. Growling, Hijikata grabbed his wrist, dragged his hand away.

“Eager, are we?” Hijikata asked. He almost sounded surprised.

“You're too soft.” Katsura said, laughing. He brought one hand to his mouth, licking at his fingertips and then his lips obscenely. “Demon in the streets, bashful in the sheets, hey? Cute.”

“Shut up. I'm not.” Hijikata said, kissing him again, plain and chaste, Katsura doing most of the work. It wasn't Hijikata's strongest point, but Katsura wasn't complaining. All in due time. Hijikata's hands went to Katsura's hips, pulling Katsura's body flush with his own. Katsura moaned into his mouth when their hips met, both of them already aroused, Hijikata taking advantage of the moment to bite at Katsura's exposed neck. Hard.

Right in Hijikata's ear, Katsura gasped at the pain, back arching as a second bite stung just under the first. Pleasure washed over his sensitive body, hitting him hard. Katsura's hand slammed down on the counter to balance himself, one of Hijikata's hands leaving his hip to yank his hair loose. Rolling his hips, Katsura pressed into the Vice Chief, mouth open.

“God.” Hijikata swore, hand sinking into the fine hairs at the base of Katsura's neck, pulling hard. “You look good in this.”

Katsura chuckled, eyes half lidded. “Better than the dress?”

“Better than the dress.” Hijikata agreed, the hand not in Katsura's hair sliding up under the dress shirt, pressing against Katsura's lower belly and sliding up over his navel. Katsura arched into his warm touch with a breathy moan, fingers calloused and rough just like Gintoki's.

Katsura hummed pleasantly, Hijikata's mouth returning to suck at his neck while his hand wandered up and over his sternum. Returning the favor, Katsura pushed at Hijikata's clothes, buttons no problem for dexterous fingers. Before Hijikata's hand could wander back down, a single finger trailing lazily over Katsura's lean abs, Katsura had Hijikata's cravat discarded and his shirt hanging open. Hijikata's skin was prickling at the exposed air, nipples hardening into little delectable buds.

“You did that alarmingly fast.” Hijikata muttered, going for Katsura's buttons.

Katsura knocked his hands away from the vest Hijikata apparently liked, hands going to his own slacks instead. “Practice makes perfect. Now shut up and get those fingers in me.”

Hijikata snorted, gripped Katsura's jaw and slid his pointer and middle finger past his parted lips. Katsura moaned around them, hands going for Hijikata's chest, nails biting into skin as he pulled him close again.

“You know, I brought lube.” Hijikata said. “I told you I thought this through.”

Katsura snorted, dragged his nails down over lean abs. His hand plunged past Hijikata's waistband to grip him, giving him a nice firm tug. Hijikata gasped, fingers slipping out of Katsura's mouth.

“Who needs lube? Have you done any internet reading at all? Just in case you forgot, I said _fuck me until I'm in tears._ ” Katsura said, hand still slowly working Hijikata. He could feel saliva rolling down his chin as he spoke. Hijikata, eyes almost closed, reached up and brushed it away with his thumb. 

“Doesn't mean it has to hurt. Just means you're reading the wrong things on the internet.” Hijikata said, but he didn't press it. Returned to Katsura's neck, sucking at his skin and leaving marks as Katsura coaxed him hard.

Katsura thought against it, but the words were tumbling out of his mouth despite his better judgment. He glanced up, eyelashes fluttering, accentuated with a nice, firm grip. “Raw is fine.”

Hijikata hummed against his collar bone, disgruntled. Katsura huffed, hands slipping into Hijikata's pockets, groping him in the process. “ _Fine._ ” Katsura said. His fingers found the lube inside a pocket, along with a couple of condoms. _He did come prepared, holy shit._ Katsura nipped Hijikata's ear. “Do your worst.” He reminded, pulling out the little bottle and popping the cap open, slicking up two fingers between them.

Katsura leaned into Hijikata, away from the counter. He kissed him heavy, tongues finally coming out to play, pants falling open and sliding down narrow hips. He kissed Hijikata as he reached behind and prepped himself, gasps steadily becoming more frequent and noisier until he couldn't kiss, breathless. Hijikata was trying to catch the airy noises, trying to stop them, but eventually he just gave up and started marking up his neck again, sucking hard and lathing his tongue over fresh bite marks.

Katsura suddenly whined, long and high in Hijikata's ear. “Now?”

“No.” Hijikata said, a Chief's order. His hand raised from hip, grabbed Katsura's wet fingers and rubbed his own over them. “Turn around. Hands on the counter where I can see them.”

Katsura whined, loud and high, turning around and bracing himself against the counter. Hijikata sidled up behind him, pushing Katsura's hair over one shoulder with a warm hand as he pushed Katsura's clothes further out of the way. With those pointer and middle fingers hardly wet from Katsura's own, Hijikata slid them into him, roughly working him open. Katsura was sure the whole club had heard him keen, but he didn't really care.

“Until you're in tears, right?” Hijikata asked, kissing his neck. “How many times can you come?”

“Lots.” Katsura said, moaning loud. “Lots.”

“Shush.” Hijikata's hand came up over Katsura's mouth, pressing over it and tilting his head back. “You are so fucking _loud_.”

Katsura snorted, rocking back into Hijikata's slow fingers, hands sliding along the counter top. Hijikata curled them, the hand over Katsura's mouth tightening. Katsura moaned between his fingers, echoing in the bathroom. He couldn't help it. Lips on skin, Hijikata placed his first mark on the unblemished side of Katsura's neck.

Hijikata slowly worked him to a noisy climax, hovering over him as Katsura dropped to his elbows on the sink at his release. Letting go of his face, Hijikata pressed his nose into his hair, warm and heavy against Katsura's back. Katsura could feel him against his leg, suddenly realizing that Hijikata had ignored his own need.

“How many rounds back at the Shogun's Ball?” Hijikata asked.

Panting, Katsura didn't answer right away. “Three.” He eventually said, turning his head. He was smirking. _Are you holding out just to wreck me?_ Katsura could only hope. “You aiming for four?”

“Not in here.” Hijikata said, glancing to the locked door. It was then that Katsura understood Hijikata had a plan. It was then that Katsura suddenly realized how eager he was for more.

“We can do round two in the car.”

 

-

 

They figured out how to make the backseat of the police cruiser work for them – in the club parking lot, because Katsura teased him all the way out. If Katsura hadn't been lost in pleasure again, he would have found it ironic and hilarious that Hijikata was doing something that technically could get him arrested.

Katsura was holding on to the door handle above him with one hand, legs tightly wrapped around Hijikata's midsection as he slowly sunk into him again and again, thick and full. Hijikata had a hand braced on the door, the other holding Katsura's wiggling hips still. Katsura's other hand was everywhere trying to find purchase, unable to stop fidgeting. Sliding across the leather seats. Sliding up Hijikata's arm. Joining his other hand’s death grip on the door at a hard, almost painful, thrust. Katsura's hips wiggled, legs tightening around Hijikata as he keened again, high and loud in the cab of the car. He arched, impaling himself deeper, crying out again, face hiding into his arm.

Hijikata clicked his tongue, kissing him between pants. “Stop. _Moving_.”

Katsura whined, couldn't help himself, back arching again at a particularly nice push and his own swivel of the hips, and he was coming again, voice loud and high and starting to go scratchy.

Hijikata was smiling against his neck. Finished shortly after.

 

-

 

Round three was parked in a dark back alley because Katsura apparently couldn't hold out to their destination. Hijikata hadn't planned for this, hadn’t exactly planned for the last round either.

Katsura had done something stupid, like leaning over while Hijikata was driving, putting his talented mouth to very distracting work. Hijikata had pulled over immediately to stop him, but there was something about Joui Rebels and Getting Exactly What They Wanted.

Hijikata's hand was pulled firm and unrelenting against Katsura's throat, keeping the noises to an absolute minimum. He had parked and shut the car off, no lights to draw attention. Katsura was _writhing_ beneath Hijikata's grip, soft, choked noises escaping him while Hijikata held him from behind, fingers working rough and fast inside of him. Katsura had himself in hand, doing a shit job of getting himself off, hands constantly distracted and moving everywhere but against himself. Apparently, multitasking was not one of Katsura's strongest points.

They were kneeling in the back seat, Katsura's business attire wrinkled and misplaced, his hair unkempt and damp with sweat. Come morning, Hijikata was sure there would be bruises. He felt bad. Kissed the worst of the marks, and felt better. He had given a safe word, and Katsura had been eager thus far, had yet to use it. Hijikata just hoped he wasn't going overboard.

His hand was getting sore, so Hijikata switched them, giving Katsura a moment to breathe before choking him and plunging back in.

“ _Hijikata~_ ” The new angle did the trick on the first try, muscles beginning to spasm around him while Katsura moaned low and long, arching back into him. Hijikata was going to have to clean the back seat.

That was a problem for tomorrow. Right now, he ignored his own need to get them to his final destination before he could run out of time.

 

-

  
Katsura was giggling like he was drunk as they snuck through the front door, obviously understanding the end game to Hijikata's plan. Hijikata had a hand on his arm as they stumbled in, struggling to get their boots off, shushing him. His heart raced as he abandoned Katsura at the door, socks silent on the floorboards as he snuck further into Gintoki's house. _The crime of all crimes._ Gintoki needed to start locking his door.

A quick check of the rooms and the closet (and all of the usual places Gintoki's weirdo ninja stalker liked to hide) Hijikata determined that his earlier phone call had worked. Glasses had most likely gone home to his sister with China Girl, leaving Gintoki to respond to Hijikata's well placed misguidance. _Lucky Pachinko day, 75% chance to win, and free booze to all who come!_ Judging by the clock ticking on the wall, Hijikata suspected he only had an hour or so left before Gintoki got kicked out and came stumbling back home drunk.

Hijikata definitely did not want to be here at that moment.

“Come here.” Hijikata said. He moved over to Gintoki's desk, flicking the lamp on. He turned back to the doorway, leaning against the desk. He had paced himself – thank God, he hadn't actually planned for anything to happen in the car and wouldn't have lasted if he had given in – but he didn't know Katsura's limits. Katsura was still going when Hijikata probably would have dropped. “Will you survive one more round?”

Katsura snickered, ambling into the room slowly. His back was to the wall, head leaning back tiredly against it. His neck was exposed, a gentle path of bites and bruises from jaw to collar bone. There were more down his sternum, hidden by the unbuttoned vest and wrinkled dress shirt. Next up, Hijikata planned to mark his navel.

“Of course I'll last. For a blushing virgin, you sure know how to take care of someone.” Katsura said, chuckling. His eyes were half lidded and tired. He looked more content than Hijikata had ever seen him.

Hijikata clicked his tongue, shrugging off his jacket. He tossed it behind himself at Gintoki's chair. “I told you. I'm _not_ a virgin. And making you moan my name is actually more fun than I thought it would be. Not too easy, but not too hard once you figure it out.”

“Not bad for a police dog.” Katsura said. “May I return the kind gesture?”

Hijikata held up two fingers, _come-hither._ This time, Katsura came to him, slowly and careful. He sidled up between Hijikata's legs, energy low. Hands at Hijikata's hips, Katsura leaned forward, lips pressed gently to his. “Gintoki's going to kill you.” Katsura said, chuckling. “Maybe literally.”

“He's the one who told me to earn it, and you're probably the one who led me astray.” Hijikata said. “I didn't get the title of Vice Chief by completing easy tasks and putting nothing at stake, you know. I'll be okay.”

“And I didn't get all the titles I've earned by sitting idle or hesitating in the face of death.” Katsura said. His hands went to Hijikata's crotch, slowly popping the button and unzipping them. “If we fuck on his desk, he might actually fuck both of us in the same round.”

“Great.” Hijikata said, chuckling. “Be sure to leave evidence.”

Katsura slowly pulled at the Shinsengumi leather, sliding them down. Katsura dropped to his knees, face nuzzling up between Hijikata's legs.

“Shit,” Hijikata put the back of his hand to his mouth, eyes trained on Katsura's head. He let Katsura work him again, his mouth hot and slick and practiced, before he felt the urgency in his gut.

His fingers sunk into the messy hair, gently tugging him off. “Get up. On the desk.”

They switched positions until Katsura was falling back against Gintoki's desk, hair everywhere and legs loosely wrapped around him. Hijikata took the opportunity to leave his marks, pushing up Katsura's dress shirt to leave little red bites from navel straight down.

They fucked at Gintoki's desk as hard as Katsura could take it, which was questionably hard all things considered. He was extra loud, voice hoarse, and Hijikata wasn't sure if the volume was intentional or not as he sunk his fingers harder into Katsura's hips. Hijikata's stamina was shit, but he made it count.

The desk had rocked almost five inches from its original spot, more so on one side than the other, Hijikata's hand wrapped tightly around Katsura to delay him. Hijikata was panting, tracking the tears that had begun to fall only moments ago, Katsura resorting to quietly begging for release. With an eye on the clock, Hijikata tried to drag it out despite his exhaustion, until Katsura's quite words suddenly formed something coherent.

“ _Otaku.”_

“Shit.” Hijikata let him go, both of them climaxing weakly together. He hovered for a moment, exhausted, wondering what demon had possessed him to go to this length. Katsura had survived four rounds, while Hijikata was panting and almost collapsing after two.

He nuzzled into Katsura's hair, catching his breath, his right hand rubbing soothing circles against abused skin.

Katsura placed a hand against his face gently, before he pushed him away. “I'm going to sleep.” He said, sitting up stiffly after Hijikata backed off. Hijikata had set out that night to wreck him, and it looked like he had achieved his goal.

“At least change.” Hijikata said, dragging Katsura heavily off the table and helping him to his feet. Katsura leaned against him, spineless and exhausted. He mumbled something incoherent, swaying on his feet.

Hijikata dumped him on the couch before pilfering Gintoki's closet, choosing one of Gintoki's typical white yukatas, just because he could. For good measure, Hijikata dragged a pillow and a blanket out as well.

Back in the living room, Katsura had already fallen asleep on the couch, face tucked into his arm and hair everywhere. Hijikata nudged him awake, coaxing him out of his soiled clothes and into the yukata, wrapping him up snugly before letting him lay back down. He curled into the pillow as soon as Hijikata gave it to him, eyelids fluttering shut. Hijikata squatted down beside him.

“Good luck tomorrow, Demon Vice Chief.” Katsura said, eyes still closed. His lips quirked into a soft smile. He wasn't going to have a voice tomorrow, which wasn't Hijikata's fault. “May your gods be with you.”

Hijikata snorted, hand running through Katsura's soft but tangled hair. His eyes landed on a bruise along Katsura's jaw, then the colorful span of his neck. “I actually feel kind of bad.” Hijikata said, fingers brushing softly against them. He leaned forward, kissed one. It was an intimate gesture, one Hijikata wasn't sure was allowed.

Katsura only hummed. “Go.”

Hijikata stood. “Don't over do it tomorrow.” He said, before heading to Gintoki's desk where he collected his jacket from the chair. He turned out the lamp, glancing back over to the couch. Conflicting feelings rose up suddenly, things he had considered all week but hadn't drawn a conclusion from. There was something soft about Katsura, something pure beneath the fearless rebel who terrorized Edo's streets. Just like Gintoki.

Hijikata once again didn't know what he wanted from this. Sexual satisfaction or something more?

He snuck out the front door, tiptoeing down the front stairs with his head in the clouds. Wondered if maybe this was the first step to Gintoki's carefully guarded heart, or if he was being strung along in something Gintoki liked to do casually every once in a while. Wondered what Gintoki and Katsura were to each other, and how Hijikata himself would fit in. Anxiety built too, wondering how their relationship would change, wondering how they were supposed to regard each other in the street. And Katsura. Katsura's part in this was a huge risk for Hijikata's career. What would happen if he got caught sleeping with _him?_

He almost jumped out of his skin when the door to Otose's shop slid violently open. Hijikata froze, suddenly feeling like a teen caught sneaking out after curfew. He tried for a normal greeting, his voice stuttering over every syllable.

“Fancy seeing you here in the wee hours of the morning.” Otose said. She didn't look judgmental, was giving him a knowing smirk. “Having fun?”

“Too much.” Hijikata said, thinking about his career and suddenly realizing this whole situation was completely bizarre and dangerous but so, so exciting. He began to creep away. “I apologize in advance?”

“For?” Otose asked.

“Um.” Hijikata said, unsure. _For the noise? For Gintoki? For disturbing you in the middle of the night?_ “I need to get going.”

“Hope you know what you're doing.” Otose watched him go.

Hijikata made it back to the barracks just as the rest of the men were rousing for their morning routine. Ten minutes later and Hijikata would have been caught coming in by Sougo, looking like he just got laid. Sougo would probably smell it on him, encouraging Hijikata to hurry up and shower. Luckily, Katsura hadn't left marks.

Sliding the door to his bedroom closed, he leaned against it heavily and let out a deep breath, head knocking back. He had no idea what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come sass me on [Tumblr](https://merrrrp.tumblr.com/).


	4. Sometimes You're Late Becuase It's Destiny, Sometimes You're Late Becuase You're An Idiot

Gintoki groaned, pushing himself up to his hands and knees from where he had passed out merely three inches from his shoes. His lips were dry and cracked from a night spent drinking, his mouth tasted like vomit, and his eyelids were still heavy. Not to mention the throbbing headache, sloshing stomach, and the general misery that came with each and every hangover. There was early morning light in his apartment, early morning light piercing his retinas and burning them away and fueling the ache in his forehead. _Fuck, I went overboard again._

Dragging heavy feet, he stumbled through his entrance hallway with a hand pressed to his sweaty forehead. He slid the door open to the living room. _How many times have I said I'll stop drinking? Uh. I feel like shit._ Groaning, he stumbled through his living room and into the dark kitchen, pain lessening only a fraction. He pulled open a cupboard, grabbed a cup, and filled it with water from the sink. _Next time, if I can't help myself, I'm at least going to drink less. Even if it's free. You have to start small right? One less drink will be five less drinks by the end of the month! I can totally do one less drink!_

Groaning and ready to crawl pathetically into his futon, Gintoki ambled into the living room, downing the cup of warm water in one go. _Shinpachi should be here soon. Aw man. I just need a good night's sleep for once. No dreams at all._ As he passed the couch, he paused. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he stared at the couch, empty glass still raised dramatically to his lips. _Gee. That looks like my blanket. And my pillow. And a body. Am I missing something? Did Gin-chan forget something very important about last night?_

Gingerly, Gintoki set the cup down on the coffee table. He moved over to the lump on his couch mostly hidden beneath _his_ blanket, hand outstretched hesitantly like this was going to be yet another scandal arc. He immediately recognized the silky long black hair splayed everywhere and over everything, panic subsiding. Sighing, Gintoki grabbed the edge of the blanket, hauled it off of Katsura's sleeping form.

 _Is that my yukata? What an idiot- wait… wait, wait. Are those-_ “Are those bite marks?” Gintoki asked. He slowly dropped down to his knees, careful of his spinning head, one hand reaching out and to push hair out of the way. Katsura's neck was littered with marks, both red and purple, the man in question stirring at Gintoki's probing touch. _They're not mine, no way, not my style. So..._

“Oi, Zura.” Gintoki said as he shook Katsura by his shoulder until he was somewhat awake. “What the hell happened?” Gintoki had a feeling he already knew.

Katsura groaned, eyes fluttering open and blearily staring up at Gintoki. He looked _exhausted_. _Wrecked._ Gintoki's eyebrow twitched.

“Morning.” Katsura said, his voice hoarse and quiet, as he snuggled deeper into the pillow.

“Don't 'morning' me you asshole, why are you sleeping on my couch. What happened to your voice? Are you sick? In my house?” Gintoki asked. His thumb brushed over the biggest of the marks, understanding passing over him. Katsura shuddered under his touch. “Did Hijikata do this? Last night? You guys didn't do it in here, did you?” _Zura, I swear to any God out there. Did you lie to him?_

Katsura chuckled. “Your desk. Now give that back.” He reached for the blanket, tugging it out of Gintoki's limp hand. He curled into the blanket too, hardly draping it over himself.

“Zura.” Gintoki warned. His gaze flicked up to the back of the couch. He didn't even want to stand up and see. _You're a dumbass. Both of you are dumbasses._ He was hungover, possibly still drunk. He felt too sick to deal with this right now. The world was spinning and he was trying to process what had just happened in his own living room during his inexcusable absence.

Katsura hummed, eyes closing. “Shut up. I need some more sleep.”

“ _You_ need sleep?” Gintoki asked, voice hitting a higher octave. “Maybe you should of thought about that before you banged on my desk in the middle of the night?”

“Maybe you should have been here to stop us.” Katsura yawned, finally stretching out on his stomach. He rolled onto the pillow and propped himself up on his elbows. Sleepy eyes fluttered up to Gintoki's. “Where were you last night?”

Gintoki groaned. He rolled his eyes, hand going for Katsura's hair, sliding into the mussed silky strands. “Oh, you know.”

“Drinking.” Katsura said, giving Gintoki _The Look._ “You know-”

“Shut up. I need some sleep.” Gintoki murmured. He dropped his hand, pushed himself up to his feet. His head was throbbing, eyes burning. Brushing his teeth also sounded nice, cleaning out the sourness from the back of his throat. Actually brushing his teeth sounded like heaven. The sharp little bristles, rubbing all over the dirt and grime, leaving behind a smooth surface that was fresh and clean in their wake and pulling the bitterness out of the back of his throat. Ah. So nice.

“ _You_ need sleep?” Katsura mimicked Gintoki's words from earlier. “Maybe you should have thought of that before drowning yourself in a bottle instead of-”

“Shut up.” Gintoki said, turning away. He ambled to the bathroom, dead on his feet and a dead expression on his face.

He did his business and washed out his mouth. It was amazing what strawberry flavored toothpaste could do. Not only did it clean his teeth and leave them sparkling white, but the taste also perked his dreary mood up a little. Suddenly, the idea of Hijikata banging Katsura on his desk didn't leave him feeling quite so angry. Now, thanks to the happiness and sunshine that came with everything strawberry flavor, Gintoki could think a little bit more clearly. He was fucking livid. _Zura, if you screw this up..._

When Gintoki returned to his living room, he was surprised to see that Katsura was no longer on the couch. But his bedroom door had been slid open, leaving Gintoki to assume Katsura had either retreated to his futon – which they sometimes did together – or he had escaped through the window. As he passed by his desk, he couldn't help but notice how crooked it was, how his chair wasn't sitting where it should be. How the mail and bills and papers he had left on the desk were rumpled and misplaced. How no one had bothered to clean up the now dried _bodily fluid_ from the desk's surface.

“Zura!” Gintoki entered his own bedroom, immediately spotted Katsura kneeling on his futon, the blanket still wrapped around him. The idiot was still wearing Gintoki's white yukata as he fluffed the pillow like he intended to lay down and go back to sleep. “ _Zura._ You didn't even clean up after yourself, you bastard. The Vice Chief has a stick up his ass, so what did you tell him in order to get him to go all out like this? Did you lie to him? Oi. _Zura_. What did you do?”

“Sit.” Katsura said, patting the futon. Gintoki groaned, anger evaporating from that one word into exaggerated exhaustion. He shuffled over, sitting down near where Katsura had instructed. He sat cross legged, his arm shoved into his yukata as he leaned back on his other hand. He needed to change before he went back to sleep, but by the time he changed and got comfortable, laid down and fell back into a restless slumber, Kagura would be already kicking the door down and yelling up a storm.

Katsura cleared his throat. A bad sign. “So.”

“So you lied to him?” Gintoki guessed in advance, fixing Katsura with a dead fish stare. The way Katsura's lip quirked in the corner was all the confirmation he needed. A bit louder, “What the hell did you tell him?”

“I didn't _lie_.” Katsura said. His tone was all Gintoki needed to know that, whatever Katsura had said, it had been intentionally misleading and only borderline the truth. “I just implied. Not my fault he took me literally.”

“He took you. Literally.” Gintoki said. He huffed. “Was he rough?”

“No. He tried though. He's shy. His stamina sucks but he can sure make up for it.” Katsura said, waving a hand. He was smiling. Gintoki both liked and hated that fact. “He expects rough treatment from you now, though.”

“What?” Gintoki said, a spark of that previous anger coming back. “What do you mean, he expects rough treatment from me?”

“An eye for an eye.” Katsura said.

“Is that what you told him! If he fucked you senseless I'd do the same to him?” Gintoki said. “I told you not to mislead him! Gin-chan's a nice passive lover, why would you tell him that! That's not how this works!”

“But he knew I was misleading him. So if he knows I'm misleading him, am I _really_ misleading him? He knows he's not supposed to do what I'm telling him should do, but he came and did it anyway which means he knows that he shouldn't be doing it and is therefore making the irresponsible decision to do it anyway, and because I told him to do it just means I  _really_ told him not to do it.” Katsura said. “So you can't get mad at me, you should be mad at him because he read between the lines but ignored it anyway.”

“No!” Gintoki said. His eyebrow twitched again, something heavy like fear in his chest. “You're just defending yourself and trying to pass the blame over to him! I'm mad at  _you_. What did you tell him?”

Katsura laughed. “What did _I_ tell him? What did _you_ tell him! You asked him how he wanted it and told him he had to earn it, but he had no idea what that meant.”

“I told him to come to me when he was ready.” Gintoki said. He huffed, tired, gaze falling to the side. “I was trying to be all mysterious and exciting. He was supposed to figure out if he actually wanted to sleep with us and if so, what he wanted out of it. To top? To bottom? Both? Is he into bondage? Is he here for long term or one fuck? I don't know! So he has to come tell me before I can do anything! He could have earned it from showing up at my door and shoving me into the nearest wall! Initiative!”

“Well then you should have _told_ him that.” Katsura said. “You left out important details, Gintoki. I know talking to people about your feelings or desires is hard for you, but you could have put in more effort, _or_ just gotten me to do it. So I stepped in, and perhaps I may have convinced him that he needed to bang me exactly how he wanted you to bang him, to make an example to you.”

“You are unbelievable. Are you serious?” Gintoki said. “Absolutely unbelievable, why would you do that? Why can't anything be simple or straightforward with us?”

“I am straightforward.” Katsura said. He shuffled slightly closer, hand going to Gintoki's knee. “It's you who talks in riddles sometimes. You need to open up, Gintoki.”

“Oh shush.” Gintoki said, rolling his eyes. “I have a hangover, can you leave now. Gin-chan needs five more minutes of sleep before Kagura and Shinpachi get here and you're actually pissing me off. Also, if anyone's going to get punished by me for the whole desk thing it's going to be-”

Gintoki stopped, suddenly realizing the point. He fixed Katsura with a disbelieving stare, gaping. “You just want me to bend you over my desk and fuck you raw for being bad.” He realized. “You did all of _this_ because you knew _you'd_ be the one I got mad at-”

“Ah, that's my cue to leave.” Katsura laughed, standing up. “Take something for that headache of yours, Gintoki! Stop drinking so much, and work on your communication skills while you're at it!”

“Get back here!” Gintoki stood up too, but his head throbbed and spun from the motion. He swayed dangerously on his feet, one hand going out for balance as he froze. “Zura! Get your ass back here you little shit!”

Laughing, Katsura made a run for Gintoki's window, just to stop short. The laughter stopped as he hunched over at the waist, one hand on his knee. The other was on his hip as he stuttered in a breath before sinking down to the tatami making little pained but still humorous noises.

“Ha!” Gintoki yelled, slowly moving over to him, brain swimming. He was smiling as he dropped down beside him, one arm wrapping around Katsura's shoulders. “At least Hijikata did a good job.” Gintoki pulled Katsura down with him as he laid down, sprawling them over the tatami mat onto their sides. Katsura was giggling into his chest, one hand still on his pained hip.

“You're an idiot.” Gintoki said. His hand snuck into Katsura's hair, gently petting as he pulled his body closer. The other was on the small of Katsura's back, rubbing little, comforting circles. Gintoki murmured, “Sorry for yelling. I guess I'm kind of vague.”

“You're the bigger idiot.” Katsura said, leaning up to bump noses. He pressed one hand to the side of Gintoki's head, pushing away the snowy curls, thumb rubbing soft circles against his throbbing temple. His eyes were half lidded, so much affection in them that Gintoki's eyes may have stung a bit. “Just talk to me next time.”

Gintoki only clicked his tongue, something that sent Katsura into a fit of quiet giggles.

 

-

 

Gintoki saw Hijikata the day after. Gintoki was sitting at a park bench, head hung over the back of the wood as he stared up at the clear sky, willing his hangover (the new hangover, because he had been drinking again last night, god damn it Gintoki) to leave him and soar for the clouds.

Kagura and Shinpachi were trying to find Sadaharu a friend, which had led them to the dog park. Apparently, police dogs frequented that same dog park, because suddenly half of Gintoki's clear view of the sky went dark. And it wasn't because Mr. Sun had finally taken a fucking break, or better yet a vacation, but because there was suddenly a two-legged police dog obscuring Gintoki's vision.

“Hey. What the hell do you think you're doing?” Hijikata asked. He was leaning over him, looking a little more energetic than usual with his arms crossed over his chest. Smiling, eyes glittering maybe. Maybe Gintoki was just looking too hard.

“Hmm? Have you never heard of star gazing, Mayora?” Gintoki asked as he eyes focused on blue. He watched Hijikata's eyes narrow. Almost laughed at the confusion on his face. If he had felt a little better, he would have teased him for the line that appeared in his forehead.

“It's the middle of the day.” Hijikata pointed out. “You can't see the stars during the day, you idiot.”

“ _You_ can't see them, but if you really look, they're up there.” Gintoki said. “That's what makes it fun. It's too easy at night and some of us like a challenge unlike other people who just bark all day like the cat's gonna come down out of the tree willingly. Where's the satisfaction in that?”

“What are you talking about?” Hijikata said, clicking his tongue.

Gintoki's eyes shot to him at the noise, eyebrows creasing. Gintoki suddenly sat up properly on the bench, stretching his neck left and right until it painfully cracked back into place. He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before returning back to the present to deal with the annoying bastard who was sitting down on the bench beside him.

Out in the field, Sougo had gone to bother Kagura, Sadaharu preoccupied with trying to befriend a tiny little Chihuahua puppy no bigger than Sadaharu's nose.

“I heard all about my desk.” Gintoki said, deciding to address the horny elephant in the room. He put a little bite into his words, watching Hijikata jolt beside him. He found it funny, cracked a grin. _Eh, I can't pass up a little sadistic teasing, now can I?_

“And?” Hijikata asked. His voice was bland, the look on his face a little nervous.

Gintoki sighed, leaning back against the bench, head falling back again so he could stare up at the sky. If only he could be up there, free of his earthly suffering. “ _And,_ I had to scrub that thing with actual cleaner for once. Considered making you clean it wearing nothing but an apron, calling me Master Gin-chan and apologizing profusely while I whipped you, but I figured you wouldn't go for that.” He said.

Judging by the way Hijikata's face had whitened, he wasn't into to being humiliated. Which was fine. Gintoki found that sometimes, he suffered from second hand embarrassment anyway and if he could avoid that, he most certainly would. Humiliation wasn't his thing either.

“I also heard that Zura told you this deal is an eye for an eye.” Gintoki said, sitting up and facing Hijikata. Hijikata stiffened, eyes unblinking. Gintoki said simply, “He lied.”

Hijikata shifted ever so slightly, eyes narrowing. He suddenly looked very, _very_ nervous like he had made some major error. “He… lied?”

“He exaggerated. Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I will still bend you over my desk if you'll let me. But this is not an eye for an eye situation.” Gintoki said, suddenly glancing back to the kids, watching Kagura throw a punch at Sougo who almost didn't dodge in time. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can give what you want to give, but you don't have to take it too. You just tell us what you want and we'll respect it. Communication.”

Hijikata snorted. Gintoki glanced over. The Vice Chief had a hand to his mouth, trying to hide the fact that he was laughing. “Communication?”

“What's so funny about that?” Gintoki asked, eyebrows creasing. “Respect and consent, buddy.”

“You know, I asked Katsura if he was being hypothetical once. He turned around and told me no, he's straightforward.” Hijikata said. “I just realized _you're_ the hypothetical one. There's no communication in hypothetical situations. You're vague, at best.”

“I'm not being hypothetical _or_ vague.” Gintoki said. “I'm just telling you-”

“You're  _hypothetically_ telling me. You're not straightforward. Ever.” Hijikata said. “So what, Katsura lied to me or exaggerated? I still bent him over your desk because I _wanted to_ , and I also  _want you_ to bend me over it too. That's straightforward communication. I have yet to hear about what _you_ want out of all of this. Katsura's been pretty clear so far.”

Gintoki huffed, glanced away like he was being shy or something. “Are you sure you should be saying such things out loud?”

“Y-yeah, don't say things like that in p-public!” Said a voice a few feet from behind them that sounded suspiciously like Hasegawa as he shuffled around in his hobo house. “Gintoki, I thought we-”

“Ah!” Gintoki suddenly stretched his arms over his head before looking at the invisible watch on his wrist. He didn't need Hasegawa to remind him of questionable deeds done while drunk. “Look at the time!” Gintoki stood up quickly despite the hangover and the curdling in his stomach, cupping his mouth. “Kagura! The pickled seaweed sale is going to end in an hour!”

“What!” Kagura screamed. “Since when! We have to go right now, Shinpachi, Sadaharu! Come! Sadist! Stay!”

“Wait,” Hijikata said, as Gintoki quickly turned away from the homeless pair of sunglasses that had started shuffling scarily closer.

“Later, Mayora!” Gintoki said, winking over his shoulder. “Also, make sure that gorilla isn't stalking Otae tonight! Kagura's sleeping over with Shinpachi!” Gintoki winked again before quickly turning, not quite running away but moving fast enough to be obviously avoidant. Hasegawa moaned after him, yelling something about a one night stand and unfair treatment.

Hijikata stared after him at for a moment, and then he chuckled when he understood what Gintoki had said. Between the lines. “See?” Hijikata yelled, standing up and pointing. “You're not being straightforward! That's vague!”

 

-

 

“Your communication is shit.” Hijikata said, closing the front door to Odd Jobs behind him. “Next time, just tell me to come over because Kagura's having a sleepover. And that scary old lady saw me come here again, she looked suspicious. Is it okay if she knows?”

Gintoki was standing in the doorway, foot scratching at the inside of his leg. Just as he had said, Kagura had gone over to Shinpachi's for a sleepover with Sadaharu again. Something about Gintoki restlessly pacing at night and that Kagura needed her beauty sleep in order to remain both beautiful and immortal. Gintoki didn't blame her. He would have left too. His nightmares left much to be desired for everyone under his roof.

“Otose? She's fine.” Gintoki said casually, watching Hijikata kick off his boots. The little nervous flutter in his fingers as he pulled at his cravat. The way his eyes didn't leave Gintoki's. _Is he hesitant or excited?_ “Aw hell. I planned on being strategic here, planned to invite you out to dinner before we got down to the fun stuff.” Gintoki said, walking into the entrance and jumping down the step so that he was level with Hijikata.

“Strategic?” Hijikata asked, before registering the rest of the sentence. “You know, dinner is totally an option.”

“Yeah, that's true.” Gintoki said, paused when Hijikata shifted, eyes finally averting. “What?”

“You know,” Hijikata said quietly. “I'm not just here for sex.”

Gintoki's lips quirked into a smile, heart squeezing in his chest. “That's… that's good.” He must have sounded pleased or looked giddy, because Hijikata looked him in the eye again, face turning a gentle shade of pink. “Movies and stuff, yeah?”

“Yeah.

“Yeah. But tonight, I was gonna be all sappy and put a hand up to the wall like this. After food, of course.” Gintoki said. Put his hand right beside Hijikata's head and leaned against it all predatory like. Hijikata looked surprised, lip quirking into an unsure smile. “Had some nice cheesy lines for you too, but...”

Hijikata tilted his head upward, lips inviting and parted. Gintoki pressed his lips firmly into Hijikata's, the impatience and desperation clear as the kiss deepened. Hands suddenly snagged into each others hair, tongues pressing as Gintoki took over, guiding the kiss. Hijikata wasn't _bad,_ he was just inexperienced. Which was exciting, because Gintoki loved taking control and showing the way.

They were panting against the front door in minutes, Hijikata heaving for breath with his head against the door, and holding on for life while Gintoki sucked at his neck, slow and leisurely, hands roaming at Hijikata's back. It was payback for Katsura. Hijikata's cravat, discarded somewhere along their boots, would hide the marks anyway.

“You sure you want this?” Gintoki asked. Again. Just to be sure. Again. He didn't want to admit he was anxious, but anxiety was kicking in and he was wondering, once again, if he had misread the whole situation.

“Oh shut up.” Hijikata said with no real bite. His hand cupped Gintoki's cheek. “We've been flirting for how long, now? Since we met? I made Katsura come four times the other night just so you'd fuck me over your desk, and you think I don't want this?”

“Did you say, _four_ times?” Gintoki asked. He lifted his face from Hijikata's neck, impressed. Suddenly shocked. Katsura hadn't told him that. Hadn't told him anything past what had happened on his desk. His smile suddenly disappeared. “Just so I'd fuck you over my desk?”

“Listen.” Hijikata said. His voice and face were serious, reassuring anything negative that might be passing through Gintoki's head in that moment. “I'd fuck Katsura again any day. Especially in a car. Maybe one day I'll get you in the car too, if you'll let me.” He mumbled the last part, glancing away shyly.

Gintoki laughed, genuine, leaning his face back into Hijikata's shoulder, lips against flushed skin. Hijikata's embarrassment was obvious, his desire for a future with Gintoki obvious in his words. “I think I'd like that. Maybe one day you can have both of us in the car. Would you like that?”

“Sh-shut up. Obviously.” Hijikata said, hand sliding back into Gintoki's hair, pulling gently at the strands. He leaned forward. Seeking. “I'd love to have a first date, but I feel like I've already bought you enough meals and we've done enough flirting.”

Reassured, Gintoki's mouth returned to Hijikata's, pressing and nipping while Gintoki's hands set about getting Hijikata out of that Shinsengumi leather. Shrugging the jacket off, Hijikata's hands dropped to the yukata tied at Gintoki's waist, wasting no time letting it pool on the ground as well. Next, Gintoki started on the buttons of Hijikata's shirt, thumb and forefinger popping open two buttons before Gintoki broke the kiss, gasping for air.

“Slow down.” Hijikata said, laughing. “I'm not going to last like this and neither are you.”

 _Hopefully._ Catching his breath, Gintoki hummed. “On the desk, then.”

They kissed all the way through the entrance, Gintoki's back slamming into the wall for a moment as he lost his way through his own house. Hijikata trailed after him, just as desperate and needy with Gintoki's hands clutching his ass, keeping them chest to chest. Gintoki chuckled into one of their kisses, before biting Hijikata's bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.  _Guess this has been a long time coming? We're acting like lovesick teenagers._

They stumbled through the living room in a tangle of kisses and wandering hands, discarding Hijikata's dress shirt as they went, Gintoki's hanging wide open. Suddenly, Hijikata's ass hit the desk, Gintoki pressing into him and knocking him flat back against it exactly how Hijikata had taken Katsura only nights before. Hijikata's head hit the desk as he gasped, Gintoki's teeth sinking into his collar bone. It sent a jolt up Gintoki's spin, encouraged him to grind his hips into Hijikata's, whose legs were already wrapped around his hips invitingly.

Hijikata pushed at Gintoki's shirt, but Gintoki stopped him, shrugging the fabric back over his shoulders. “You ever do this before?” Gintoki asked as he pulled away for a moment. Hips slowly rolled, bumping himself into Hijikata. He was painfully hard, a hand already slinking down to the button and zipper of his pants in impatience.

“No.” Hijikata admitted, eyelids and breath heavy, shirt forgotten. “Take care of me?”

Gintoki spluttered. _He's so cute!_ “Of course. Just stay here a second, okay?”

He went scampering through his house while attempting to get his pants off, impatiently digging in his closet for stashed lube, cursing himself at his own shaky hands. Was he nervous? Excited? Terrified? Gintoki wasn't sure, but he had the bottle in his hands and condom in the other. He shimmied out of his pants on his way back into the living room, his boxers already tight and sporting a wet spot. He paused in the doorway, eyes landing on Hijikata, breath stopping.

Hijikata had shucked off his pants. He was lying naked on the desk, breath heaving with one arm over his forehead, the other hand trying not to stray towards his very visible crotch. If Gintoki hadn't been so desperate himself, he would have stood and just watched for a moment to savor the image. The full body flush. The neediness and the trust Hijikata had on full display, just for Gintoki.

Gintoki whimpered, hand going to his mouth. He felt his face go hot, a flush creeping high on his cheekbones.

Gintoki was caging Hijikata in the next moment on his elbows, boxers halfway down and lube already coating his fingers (he might have dropped the bottle and it might have gone everywhere). “Ready?” Gintoki asked, leaning back over Hijikata, mouth pressing against his. They devoured each other for a moment, demanding and unrelenting.

“Hurry  _up_.” Hijikata said, gasping loud when Gintoki took one of his nipples into his mouth, his other hand tracing over a thin scar on his hip. “God, _Gintoki-_ ”

Gintoki pressed a finger into him, his other hand sliding down to Hijikata's thigh comfortingly. Hijikata arched beneath him, stomachs pressing together while Gintoki worked him open, one finger turning into two, kisses going from desperate to downright sloppy. Gintoki didn't stop until Hijikata had both hands fisted into his unfastened shirt, head thrown back and mouth open. His legs were quivering at Gintoki's waist, something like a plea leaving the officer's mouth.

“You're doing so good, Hijikata.” Gintoki whispered, removing his fingers while he pressed kisses to Hijikata's cheeks, hands rubbing up and down the inside of Hijikata's thighs. “So good. Take a deep breath for me.”

Gintoki mounted him on the inhale, gasping himself when Hijikata squeaked and clenched around him. Hijikata's back left the desk, hands turning into little vice grips at Gintoki's shoulders. A long whine left Hijikata, hips shifting after a moment of pause, eyes fluttering back open. _He's too much._ Gintoki rolled his hips again, oh so slow and careful, red eyes half open as he watched Hijikata's face for any signs of pain.

“Please.” Hijikata whispered after a few more moments, hips pushing against Gintoki. “Hard.”

“As you wish.” Gintoki said shuddering, picking up his pace. He kept it even, slow thrusts powerful enough to rock his desk. Wondered if he would rock the desk further than Hijikata had. Moaned at the thought. Gintoki dropped his face back down to Hijikata's, kissing him again, one hand going to Hijikata's hip. Gintoki picked up the pace, the desk louder than their pants and quiet moans.

Hijikata didn't last long, biting the back of his hand as he came, belly pressing up into Gintoki's. His face was scrunched in concentration, a small whimper leaving his throat as warmth splattered between them. Gintoki rocked him through his orgasm until Hijikata's face twitched in discomfort. He pulled out slowly, stood up to finish himself off with his hands.

“Wait.” Hijikata sat up quickly on the desk, wincing slightly but cupping Gintoki's face between his hands so he could kiss him. “Let me.”

“Sure.” Gintoki said, completely unsure. He was close, but he knew his body was stubborn, would require extra work. Katsura had never balked at the challenge. Gintoki leaned against the desk, hands on either side of Hijikata's hips. Nervous. “Do your best.”

Hijikata glanced down between them, head tilting slightly in embarrassing scrutiny. Blue eyes flickered over Gintoki's impressive crotch before tracking up his happy trail to his exposed stomach, eyes roaming over the scars not hidden by Gintoki's open shirt.

Gintoki shuddered, uncomfortable under his gaze. Hijikata met his eyes, saw the insecurity. He clicked his tongue, Gintoki's blood running cold for a moment, hands turning to ice.

“Don't worry about those, you're okay.” Hijikata said, kissing Gintoki slow and sensual, picking up the little tongue trick Gintoki had used on him earlier. Warmth spread back into Gintoki's hands, Hijikata murmuring against his lips, “You're okay. I've got you.”

Hijikata reached down between them, gripping Gintoki in his hand, giving him an experimental tug. Gintoki grunted, eyes closing at the calloused fingers, the odd angle, the unsure thumb. One tug, gentle. Second tug stiff. Hijikata kissed him again, scars forgotten. And then suddenly Hijikata was shifting his grip, changing the angle, and everything was _perfect._ Gintoki's breath hitched with the next slide of Hijikata's firm hand. He stuttered through their next kiss, a soft whimper leaving him. His breath got heavy and labored as Hijikata worked him steady and persistently, hands leaving him seeing stars. Gintoki's teeth pierced through his bottom lip as he came silently. He shuddered violently when his orgasm hit, head bowing to Hijikata's lap.

When he caught his breath, Gintoki glanced up through his fringe at the shit eating grin on Hijikata's face. A hand was on Gintoki's cheek, thumb rubbing little circles.

“What?” Gintoki asked, tired and still a little spacey still.

“You always last that long?” Hijikata asked, eyebrow quirking. Impressed or concerned, Gintoki couldn't tell.

“You sell your soul for hands like those?” Gintoki asked instead, smiling.  _God, his hands!_ He straightened himself, leaning forward to kiss Hijikata. Hijikata kissed back, lips soft and eager for more.

Gintoki's stomach suddenly growled, ruining the moment and reminding him why he had wanted to go and get dinner  _first_.

“Oops.” Gintoki said, shyly dropping his gaze and laughing.

Hijikata snorted, rolling his eyes and pushing himself off the desk, body sliding against Gintoki's. “So. About food.” Hijikata said, hand on Gintoki's chest. His fingers mapped a scar, but Hijikata's gaze didn't wander down to them.

“Yeah, about that.” Gintoki said, grinning. “You good to walk?”

Hijikata shifted, lip quirking in the corner at the discomfort. Gintoki hadn't gone all out, so he figured a short break would leave Hijikata fine.

“Yeah? I think I'll be fine.”

Gintoki leaned forward, bumping Hijikata's nose, cackling when Hijikata flushed bright red at the motion. “Okay, let's go!”

 

-

 

Hijikata wasn't surprised. Once Ikumatsu handed over the bill, Gintoki conveniently went to the bathroom before either of them could call him out for skipping on paying. Rolling his eyes, Hijikata dug through his wallet anyway, sliding the bills back Ikumatsu's way without really thinking about it. It wasn't like Gintoki was rolling in cash after all. The guy didn't even have a steady paycheck.

“You're a few bills extra. Can't say that happens very often.” Ikumatsu said after Hijikata had turned away, jacket looped over his arm. He was sated. Body agreeable and stomach pleasantly full. Almost forgot why he had handed over so many bills in the first place.

Hijikata waved her off, digging through his jacket pocket for his pack of smokes. “Save the extra for that idiot who always escapes through your window. My treat.”

Ikumatsu's eyebrow rose, head tilting. She was smiling. “Oh?”

“Make sure you give the dumbass extra meat.” Hijikata said, just as Hijikata pulled out his pack of smokes and Gintoki simultaneously appeared from his bathroom trip.

“Oh  _thanks_ Hijikata.” Gintoki said, beaming. “How generous, for the tax thief to cover my bill!”

“Shut up before you end up with hospital bills too!” Hijikata said. But he was smiling, all teeth and ready to go anywhere with Gintoki, even if his ass was sore as a thumb beneath a hammer.

As soon as they were out the door, Gintoki stepped closer, shoulder bumping shoulder. Hijikata ignored how giddy it made him feel. Hijikata tapped out a smoke, pressing it between his lips before bumping Gintoki back, smiling like a lovestruck schoolgirl on her first date.  _God, we have it bad._

“Thanks for the meal.” Gintoki said again, a little more seriously. “Next time, I'll treat you to dinner instead. Maybe Zura too?”

“Unfortunately, I need to be careful with Zura. Er. I mean Katsura. Looks like you're cooking for us.” Hijikata hummed, pulling out his mayo lighter. “On a side note. Now that my stomach's full, I feel rather energetic.”

Gintoki laughed, arms bumping again. “Now who's the one being vague? Are you saying you want to come back to my place? For the night? And expend all of your energy?”

“Are you going to straightforwardly tell me you want that?” Hijikata asked, glancing over. Teasing and testing at the same time. He didn't know Gintoki's limits or his bounds, physically nor emotionally. The physical limits were easy enough to figure out. Gintoki might just straight up tell him what he did and did not want or like. The emotional boundaries, however, were a whole other playing field. But Hijikata was willing to try his best.

At Gintoki's silence, Hijikata said, “You know, you're not the only one who needs reassurance. I'm still new to this. I can't read your mind like Katsura can.”

Gintoki balked at that. He turned away, face slack in his usual dead-fish expression that was impossible to read. Hijikata thought he wasn't going to respond. Wondered if he had spoken out of turn.

“I want you to spend the night.” Gintoki said in a very small, timid voice that did not sound like it belong to him at all. Hijikata glanced over, blushing himself at how cute Gintoki looked. The permy idiot wasn't even looking his way, ears turning bright red.

Perhaps they didn't make it back to Gintoki's before the teasing started. Perhaps, in the shadows of the street, Hijikata discovered that Gintoki's ears were sensitive beneath his tongue, embarrassing noises escaping from behind the hand Gintoki had shyly placed over his own mouth.

When they stumbled into Gintoki's house, their roles were reversed. Hijikata pressed Gintoki up against the door while he showered him in kisses and affection, nipping at his bottom lip like Gintoki had shown him earlier.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat from the living room, startling both men.

Gintoki all but shoved Hijikata off him, stepping aside guiltily. Hijikata whipped around where he stood, heart pounding in his chest. _Did Kagura forget her toothbrush? Am I about to die? Did Shinpachi come back for it?_

In the doorway to the living room stood Katsura – thank the fucking author – arms crossed and smile coy. “By all means, continue.”

Hijikata sniggered. Turned to Gintoki and pulled him in by the collar of his shirt for a deep, passionate kiss.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I had way too much fun writing this, and I'm not promising anything.
> 
> But... I didn't cram in my threesome yet.


End file.
